Sick of Mexican Wolves
November 13, 2009 at 9:40 pm | In Animals, Books, Homeschooling, Mothering, New Mexico, Writing | Leave a CommentIt was a spur of the moment thing and for this one I have to admit that I kinda of, well, okay, I practically commanded S to enter it; the Mexican Wolves Essay Contest.
She loves animals and anything to do with preservation, and this seemed to be such a great opportunity for her. But yeah, I told her to write that essay (which I justified as part of her writing in homeschooling – phew! now another type of writing is covered for this year-> persuasive essay) and enter it in the contest. She didn’t really want to, but I explained the reasons why I think it was a good idea. It was a delicate judgment call on my part, balancing between respecting my children’s wishes/interests/wants and outright telling them to do something even if they don’t feel like it. I don’t really believe in pushing them to do something they don’t really want to do or like to do, but at some point, parents do kind of know best, though I have to admit I feel a bit lousy doing this to her. Well, I guess I’ll justify it by it being part of her writing assignment.
So she spent weeks writing this essay, researching it, making the outline, showing it to me, figuring out the subtopics, showing them to me, writing them down, showing them to me. One of her paragraphs was actually pretty good, and when I told her so, she had this reaction of,
“Are you kidding me?”
But seriously, it was good.
She complained that she didn’t like ‘thinking’. On writing, she doesn’t like the ‘thinking’ part, but she likes reading her writing after she was done with it. As I was reading Your Child’s Strengths by Jenifer Fox, I asked her what she liked about writing. After my ‘interview’ session with her, which she doesn’t really like by the way, it turned out that she likes to work in a team.
For Sunday school, they had to pair up and write about Hajj to send to the newspaper, and S said she enjoyed that because she didn’t have to do it herself. She also like the editing part of writing. That gave me some valuable insights. I love reading. I really do. It opens up worlds.
So, she finally did finish this essay, which both hubs and I critiqued and help edit. By the end of it all, S was just so sick and tired of even hearing the phrase, ‘Mexican Wolves’. They’re going to have an award giving event next week, but we won’t be in town for it (which is pretty nice because the event is held at the theatre and I’d really rather not be there). If S places anything they’ll contact her. If not, she gets an exercise in writing a persuasive essay. A win win inshaallah.
Wilton Cake Decorating Level I
October 28, 2009 at 5:27 pm | In Baking, Cake Decorating, Deen, Family, Kids, Kitchen, Mothering, New Mexico, State Fair | 4 CommentsSo, with all the cake ventures, the girls decided to enroll in Wilton’s Cake Decorating class Level I (although S had already taken this class in C-bus). It came about rather accidentally; this plunging into an activity. It all stemmed from our search for the container for my Pandan Chiffon that I was to submit to the Southern New Mexico State Fair. It took me a-googling and I stumbled upon a store in town called Create a Cake, that offers classes. I had emailed some moms in town, in case they are also interested for their girls, and that brought My, whose mom, Sy said that she is interested. So she called the store and asked about the time, price and all those details. Meanwhile, another mom replied to my email and told me that Hobby Lobby offers cake decorating classes too and she knew because her daughters took the Level I last summer. When I asked Hobby Lobby for more details, it turned out that it was way cheaper! $17.50 vs. $60.00(or was it $70.00) and since I was going to have two girls to pay for, I immediately went for Hobby Lobby.
And so it was that I registered the girls and My. for the class. Sy. and I arranged for pick up and drop off so the burden is shared between our two families. Since the class goes right through Maghrib, we told the girls to pray when Maghrib came in. Alhamdulillah they’ve had this experience again and again since we were in C-bus, when they were taking sewing and classes at the Whetstone Rec Center. Most of the times though, hubby would go to them at the salah time, take them out of class and pray with them at a hallway or somewhere secluded. Now that they’re bigger, they’re starting to do it themselves. H, recently, during his soccer practice, excused himself from it and went next to the NMSU swimming pool building to pray Maghrib by himself. It so happened that hubby was in St Louis at the time. Usually, he would be with H and they’d pray together, but this time around, I had TQ, and we had asked a brother to help with picking and dropping H off for his soccer practice, and before H left, I reminded him of Maghrib. He wore his watch, and when he came home, I asked him if he prayed. Apparently, he had asked the coach if he could go for about 5 minutes, and he prayed next to the building.
“Did anyone watch you?” I asked, curious.
“”Well, a man passed by.”
Alhamdulillah he feels comfortable doing that.
N on the other hand, during a 4-H council meeting, fidgeted and fidgeted when she was supposed to pray Maghrib in a corner of the office. I have to admit though that it was probably not easy for her, because at the time, she was the only one who could pray, hubby and H were not there, and the room was also filled with other kids. So, I had to ask the 4-H agent if we could use an empty office room for N to pray in. When she went in, she immediately prayed with no hesitation.
At the cake class, on the very first day, Sy. stayed, so for that day, the girls, (well, N rather) had an adult to pray with, in an aisle in Hobby Lobby. On the second week, they were by themselves, but alhamdulillah all three girls prayed by themselves at the same spot where My.s mom had prayed the week before. They just got up and went out to pray, alhamdulillah. My. however, stopped going to the class because she didn’t enjoy it, so the third week, which was twp days ago, S and N prayed by themselves.
We all had gone out to go to the Imaging Center for my X-ray before the girls’ class. On the way to the class, we reminded them of the time for Maghrib.
“6.30 you two can pray. Can you do that?”
“Yeah,” S answered.
“I can come to you if you want,” offered hubby, meaning that he could come around maghrib time to take them out of class so they could pray.
“They already did it themselves last week,” I said to hubby.
“So you guys can do it by yourselves?” asked hubby.
“Yeah,” they replied.
So, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
place wax paper on top of the ruoghly iced cake and smooth it by running the spatula over the cake top and side over the wax paper and the lift...
All smooth!
It was during the second week that the girls had to bring an iced cake to class. S practically made her own cake, frosting, and iced it herself. She actually showed and taught me a new technique for smoothing the frosting on the cake; a technique I was not privy to before. N, ahh…N, I had to remind her to bake her cake and practically helped her and baked it for her, though she did most of the measuring. Then S helped her ice it because by then I was too exhausted and angry at N for not taking responsibility for her own deadlines.
When we picked them up that night though, they were not done decorating their cakes and I asked why.
“The teacher was talking and talking and only the last 20 minutes she let us decorate the cake.”
Aha…that is also part of the reason My. stopped going to class after that week.
So the girls finished decorating their cakes at home. They had also learned the technique for transfering pattern on the cake from wax/parchment paper using piping gel; another technique I have never used.
And voila! Their cakes look AWESOME! Mashaallah!
N's cake
S' cake
And what did we do with these two whole cakes? We gave them out to our neighbors and left a container of cake slices at the men’s kitchen in the masjid, with a note explaining its presence attached.
Ramadan Day 23: Al Baqarah 29
September 14, 2009 at 3:09 pm | In Al Huda Institute, Family, Homeschooling, Kids, Mothering, New Mexico, Quran, Ramadan | Leave a CommentH didn’t nap yesterday, and I just found out this morning at suhoor (S told me) that last night, instead of praying taraweeh at the masjid, H slept in the masjid library throughout. And there goes the “I told you so…” from my part to him.
No wonder when I woke him up for tahajjud this morning, he almost fell asleep (or maybe he did) when praying next to me. His sujood was somewhat longer and lazier, and when he was standing, he almost fell. It affected my khushu’ and made me feel like I should have told him to pray behind me instead of next to me.
The sun this morning was as bright as ever, so maybe not last night?
Today, I told the kids,
“I’m going to recite the surah from the beginning until where we stopped. I want you all to stop and try to understand the meaning, from what we have learned so far.”
So they did, and I did too. It was wonderful subhanallah! What a change…alhamdulillah.
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| 29: |
| Muhsin Khan: He it is Who created for you all that is on earth. Then He Istawa (rose over) towards the heaven and made them seven heavens and He is the All-Knower of everything. |
Today’s ayah is ayat 29:
fasawwaahunna: root seen wau ya, sawaa means to level, spread. Allah formed the 7 layers of heavens
Why was this mentioned? So man will reflect upon the greatness of Allah’s creation and use what Allah has created on the earth in order to worship and please Allah.
Ramadan Day 22: Al Baqarah 28
September 12, 2009 at 3:55 pm | In Al Huda Institute, Family, Homeschooling, Kids, Mothering, New Mexico, Quran, Ramadan | Leave a Comment
Yesterday I was engrossed in researching the Great Depression for the kids’ lesson for October. I don’t want to plan their school stuff too much, because that will make it too rigid, but I do want somewhat of s structured plan to go by, rather than just having it completely freestyle. I find that I am the kind of person who has to have something to go by, and not just completely wing it.
And I’m still not done with it.
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| 28: |
| Muhsin Khan: How can you disbelieve in Allah? Seeing that you were dead and He gave you life. Then He will give you death, then again will bring you to life (on the Day of Resurrection) and then unto Him you will return. |
Today’s lesson is on ayah 28.
kaifa.
“Kaifal 7haalik? what’s kaifa?” I asked them.
“How.”
- here it is meant for the purpose of amazement. How can you?
- takfuroona : root ka fa ra. In the Quran, kufr is used in 2 ways:
- disbelieve
- ingratitude (when you are ungrateful to someone, you hide the favor they have to you, you don’t acknowledge it)
amwaata (they wrote this down in arabic and they had to figure out the root). meem wau ta. Mati in Malay means dead. It’s from Arabic. Mayat (in malay it means corpse) is also from Arabic. Duhh.here, amwaata refers to a state of non existence, before we were all born, we were dead (non existent, lifeless)- fa ah7 yaa kum – then He gave you life. We were born. We talked about when the soul is blown into the fetus , after 120 days. If a woman has miscarriage before 4 months, it’s not considered a being, but after, you have to have janazah for the fetus, like we had for J.
- thumma yumeetukum – then He will give you all death. Refers to when we die.
- Thumma yu7hyeekum – then He will give you all life. Refers to Day of resurrection. On that day, everybody will be resurrected, even those who have been dead for millions and billions of years such that all the bones have rotted except for the coccyx. Everybody will be walking towards one destination. Everyone will be gathered. Some will be walking on their faces (surah Mulk), some will be small as ants, some will drown in their sweat as the sun will be only a meel away from their heads. Some will be under the shade of the throne of Allah and one of these people is he who grows up righteous. This belief in the hereafter is what will make a huge difference in how people act on this earth. Those who believe there is a hereafter as how Allah described it will make sure their actions are in accordance with what will grant them good in the hereafter. Those who don’t, won’t even care.
- turja’oon- you all will be returned. Everyone will be walking towards a destination, that is to Allah.
- how can you be arrogant, seeing all these? you were non existent before, no one knew about you and then Allah brought you to life. You came from a lowly beginning, sperm and egg.
- A scholar said that human beings began from a lowly place, beginning, and will end as a rotted corpse, and in the middle, we are all just walking toilets. I knew they would get a kick out of this and even told them,
“Please don’t write about this,”
Alas! H is at an age where digusting bodily functions amaze him, so here you have it (sigh).
Ramadan Day 21: Al Baqarah 27
September 11, 2009 at 3:04 pm | In 4-H, Al Huda Institute, Family, Homeschooling, Kid Talk, Kids, Mothering, New Mexico, Quran, Ramadan | Leave a CommentI woke up to an incessant ringing of S’ alarm clock, a green one we had bought at Wal Mart for her (the kids stuff ar pretty much color coded : S green, N pink and H blue, and H claims that Z is orange. He said, “Even when from the moment you gave him tha name I know his color is orange!” (Don’t ask me, I have no idea how that came about)). Hubby had already gone to the masjid for qiyaam and had told me last night,
“Just wake up when the alarm clock rings a lot of times.”
They had left the alarm clock ringing for me yesterday while they had suhoor, because I had told them I wanted to still wake up even though I can’t pray.
So this morning, I woke up and made wudhu’, read some Quran and made dua. I thought I’d just wake the kids up later, so I could make dua in peace, and I’m glad I did that. Because, these kids, once they’re up, the house comes alive, no matter what hour it is. So after I was done, I woke H and S up. N is sick, still feverish, and she had to break her fast yesterday and she is not fasting today, so I left her alone.
“H, wake up for tahajjud. Hurry up, it’s almost five a clock.”
“So ummi, how do we pray?”
Last year, they prayed with me.
“Just pray two rakaah, and make dua a lot during sujud, you can prolong your sujud, and make dua after your prayer. You can also add two more rakaah, and two more.”
“Do we pray together or separately?”
“Either one.”
They prayed separately.
Baby Z, despite sleeping quite late last night (walking and scouring the room in the dark, kicking the door while laying on the floor, etc) woke up while S and H were eating their suhoor. I’ve never had a child this un-routineless before and it drives me crazy. Alhamdulillah ‘alaa kulli 7haal. I have to say it’s from my own doings though. He was following some routine before, but after we moved, his sleeping arrangements just got messed up. I had thought it was ok, but it is apparently not, at least not for my sanity.
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| 27: |
| Muhsin Khan: Those who break Allah’s Covenant after ratifying it, and sever what Allah has ordered to be joined (as regards Allah’s Religion of Islamic Monotheism, and to practise its legal laws on the earth and also as regards keeping good relations with kith and kin ), and do mischief on earth, it is they who are the losers. |
Today’s ayah furthers on the description of the faasiqeen that was mentioned in yesterday’s ayah.
What we learned:
3 descriptions of the faasiqeen :
- yanqudhoona ‘ahd allah min ba’di meethaqihi – break their covenant with Allah after ratifying it
- yaqTta’oona ma amarallahu an yoosSal – cut that which Allah has ordered to be joined
- yufsidoona fil ardh – create corruption on earth
- yanqudhoona : root noon qaf dhad – to break something that has been made firm, e.g. unravelling knitting, crochet, etc.
- yaQTta’oona; root qaf Tta ‘ain (S got this one even while I was reciitng the ayah): to cut
- YooSsal; root; wau Ssad lam – waSsal to join
- I suggested they diagram it all, and the end of it, for the faasiqeen is alkhaasiroon (losers).
- The faasiqeen break the covenant they made (we all made) with Allah way before (mentioned in Surah Al A’raaf) we were even born.
- They also sever what Allah has ordered to be joined such as family ties, rights of Allah, rights of people. Some examples would be not talking to a family member because of some disagreements, preventing people from pursuing Islamic education.
- And this leads to creation of corruption (fasad), and fasad is of two types: tangible and intangible. Logging would be an example of tangible fasad. Backbiting would be an example of intangible fasad.
“Would we then say thet loggers would go to Naar?” S asked.
“Well, not if they repent before they die,” I replied. And i continued.
“We can’t say for sure that these people, that person etc will go to Naar, because we don’t know if they will be guided later on.”
Yesterday we filled up their individual calendars with deadlines. This Ramadan has been extra busy for us because of 4-H deadlines. With the record book submission date looming, we’ve been forced to work under pressure. So yeesterday, I sat them down and told them I need them to set a deadline for some things, such as
- when they want to bake what they want to enter into the fair (trial run)
- when they will let me know what they have decided to bake for the fair
- when they will bake for the fair
- when they will have their projects done
and I gave them some deadlines too
Alhamdulillah it seems that S has gotten the hang of dealing with planners and deadlines. I remember not so long ago when I was griping about her inability to organize and remember when her homework was due. I think throughout last year, she has matured a lot alhamdulillah, and is quite reliable. Alhamdulillah. Next in line is N. Oh Allah, please help me with this one.
But hopefully having them fill out their own calendars will train them to learn how to plan things, watch out for deadlines, and stick to them. This tarbiyyah is truly mentally challenging. I’m beginning to feel the weight of it, subhanallah. And on top of that, there’s my own individual self to still do some improvements on too.
Southern New Mexico State Fair
September 2, 2009 at 6:16 pm | In 4-H, Family, Kids, Mothering, New Mexico | Leave a CommentI’ve never been to a state fair before. I know. I’ve lived here for 12 years and I have never been to a state fair. So it struck me as news when my Malaysian friends who used to study here in the States told me they ate Churros at state fairs. The ‘conversation’ (if you can call exchanges on FB that) took place due to some photos of Churros I put up. I had made Churros few months back, for hubby’s Spanich class culture day and for a drop in guest.
This year though, I think we are ‘forced’ to attend one, due to the kids projects in 4-H. In order to complete a project, they have to exhibit them in the fair, among other requirements (some of which are doing demonstrations). So, like it or not, I found myself scrambling to learn and find information about how to go about doing this, and in the process, I learned many new interesting things. You always hear of blue ribbon recipes, and after talking to a 4-H extension county agent yesterday, I put two and two together. You enter your baked good in the fair, wait for the judging and if you win, you get , well you get whatever they give you (I didn’t really pay attention to this part yesterday because it was like a lightbulb was lit in my head and it overtook my attention span). Well, you can enter other than baked goods too of course, but I was completely excited by the fact that you can enter baked goods. After I was done talking to her, I told the kids rather excitedly that they can enter baked goods in the fair if they want. They have been baking a lot lately, and I have to say they’re pretty adept at it too mashaallah! Though, they do have to learn about some things such as not to spread frosting on a not yet cooled cake (this happened last week when they made brownies to bring to the community potluck).
For the kids, they have to enter their projects and we have yet to buy the materials needed to make their Welcome to 4-H banner and frames. Tomorrow inshaallah we will purchase them after Baby Z’s doctor appointment. Baby Z has been sick these past two weeks. Last weekend, we brought him to the doctor on Saturday and we saw a nurse practitioner who prescribed Pulmicort and Zithromaz. I was not wholly comfortable with her evaluation, especially with the Pulmicort because it is a steroid. And she told me to use it for a whole month too. The antibiotic, after I asked her again and again, she finally said to hold off on it unless he spikes a fever again.
My gut feeling has always been correct as a mother, with regards to my kids’ illnesses, and it’s scary how correct they are. So when I was reading the warning and extra information on Pulmicort (I always do this on any drugs/medicines we are told to take), I read,
Steroid can cause growth problems in some children and teenagers.
I already knew this, but reading this again made me hesitate. I know I am not well versed in medicine, but I also know my gut feeling has always been correct, and despite what some doctors may say, I, as a mother, have the right to make decisions, even if they are medical, for my children. Science is at most an educated guess.
So I had hubby call or talk to Baby Z’s allergist, who is a Muslim, thus he found him at the masjid during Sunday School. He teaches the boys sometimes. After talking to him, he told me to come to his office Monday. Alhamdulillah, the use of Pulmicort was unnecessary and completely does not make sense, according to him. However, Baby Z spiked a fever again, and Dr. K said that the crackling he heard in Baby Z’s lungs sound like the beginning of pneumonia. But since his oxygen is good, there was no need for hospitalization. They gave Baby Z a shot of antibiotic in the thighs, to which Baby squirmed a bit and began to cry, but didn’t. That is my Baby Z. Such a quiet boy he doesn’t even scream like a normal kid would in such situations. The nurse and even Dr. K took to him with such pity and love especially because he kept on the pouting face and glistening eyes but with nary a cry coming out of him. It hurt him, that was certain, but he didn’t cry. They gave him stickers and before long, he was smiling and waving bye bye.
He spiked a fever again late afternoon yesterdaym and this morning, his breathing was pretty labored, so I used the nebulizer while he was still sleeping. As soon as he woke up though, he was up and running as usual. Inshaallah, I hope this sickness goes away soon biizhnillah. His lungs are pretty predisposed not to pneumonia I guess. Qadr Allah. Alhamdulillah ‘alaa kulli 7haal.
So this year, we inshaallah will attend the Southern New Mexico State Fair, and if I am up to it, I may enter some baked goods!
Chores, Chores, Chores
July 2, 2009 at 8:56 pm | In Family, Mothering, New Mexico | 2 Comments
Notes from Ummi to kids will be posted in this here bulletin board.
It’s been 5 months after we moved, and I have taken this long to finally come up with a chore chart for the kids, and myself. I had taken out the magnecti chore chart we used back in Cbus in the early weeks after the move, but I wasn’t able to pinpoint all the chores because we were not fully settled in yet. Then there were activities. Now, alhamdulillah, that we have almost fully settled down, I am finalyl able to come up with our morning and evening routines as well as the weekly and monthly chores that need to be done. I reconstituted my routines back when I was using Flylady. I love the concept of evening and morning routines, because it makes things much much smooher for the rest of the day and the day after.
I had used it before I was pregnant with J, but things fell apart during the pregnancy, and after the stillbirth, I never really picked it up, even after we had Baby Z. Now is the time to pick it up and I had a meeting with the kids regarding chore division.
Morning and Evening Routines nicely written and framed, and hung outside their bedrooms.
Prior to that, I had listed all the chore, weekly, monthly and daily. So it made it easier to discuss with them since I know what needs to be done around the house. After the meeting, we came up with a framed evening and morning routines, which S and N worked on. H used excel on Google to create a bathroom, bedroom, sunroom chore chart. I used the magnetic chore chart to list the remaining chores. They are to start abiding by these charts next week inshaallah. I hope they do. If not, I’ll probably end up making myself bald.
As for myself, I listed my chores in the weekly planner stuck on the fridge, and my book planner. I am the type of person who needs organization to feel grounded. Maybe the reason I have felt unstable these past few months, is because there were no real organization in the house. With so many new things popping up, I was pulled here and there with no real focused direction. It is time for revamping and probably saying no to a few stuff. It is time to cross off some items off my ‘currently doing’ list. I find that hard to do though, because almost everything I am doing is beneficial. Nevertheless, I can’t perform at all if my plate is always heaping full, so I do need to swipe some things off my plate, that’s for sure.
Whiel we were having the meeting, S asked,
“Are we going to get rewarded for doing the chores?”
I gave her that look. I knew she knew the answer, but she asked anyway.
“What do you think?” I asked back.
“No.”
I continued with the meeting but not before saying,
“The reward is a clean house.”
And a clean house is what we’re aiming for inshaallah. As well as a sane and grounded mother.
No TV?!
June 19, 2009 at 10:50 pm | In Deen, Family, Mothering, Thoughts | 2 CommentsYes, that’s right. No TV. We don’t have a TV in the house. I knowe we just moved across the state, but as far as I know, and can afford it, we’re remaining without one.
Anyone who has been reading this blog for the past few years probably knows my dilemma and nagging problem with having TV in the house. Ever since we were in Columbus, I have had this intention the moment we move; we will not have any TV in the house.
I weaned the kids, and myself from the TV back in the summer of 2006, after explaining to them the whys, though I think, after listening to their remarks and comments about it, I should remind the reasons every now and again. So, since they were weaned, they haven’t been addicted to it. As for me, I have to say that my hijrah from watching TV to watching no TV has been somewhat like a rollercoaster, and looking back, I think it is because there was a TV sitting in the living room. It also doesn’t help that someone in the house keeps turning it on. It really did a number on me, and subhanallah, that hijrah, personally, hasn’t been easy.
I made my point pretty clear: we’re not going to have any TV in the new home. Alhamdulillah for a pretty flexible husband. I don’t think it was easy for hubby either, and I sensed a rebellious streak in the beginning, but I also sensed somewhat of a blessing from Allah in all of this. Having Baby Z helps too. Helps in convincing hubby that we don’t need a TV in the house.
However, I was also aware that Shaytaan works in mysterious ways, in ways that we can easily overlook. The seven steps through which Shaytaan attacks us is deep rooted in my mind, thanks to Muhammad Alshareef’s When Wolves Become Shepherds. Shaytaan never gives up, ever. I realize this. And once, from the virtual influence of something as sinister, I was temporarily sucked into a different kind of TV; via the internet. I felt so guilty, so sinful, that I made dua for Allah to forgive me, and to make me strong. I fought the desire, and alhamdulillah, I think now, I’m safe. Alhamdulillah. Of course, the battle is just getting more heated. It’s not over. Not until the moment of my death.
Now, I’m not out to say that everyone should unplug their stupid boxes in their homes and dump them in the trash. I’m just talking about my own personal, well, a family affair now, hijrah here. For me, the few second commercials rife of almost naked and alluring women, subliminal messages of rafath, and a lifestyle of evil are the most harmful of all. The TV has its good and bad, but just like alcohol, I think its harm outweighs its good.
When someone in town found out we don’t have TV in the house, they were surprised. Well, I told them we don’t have TV in the house. What they found out was that my son told their son that he’s not allowed to watch TV, play video games, or watch movies. Makes me sound like someone they should be wary of, doesn’t it? I don’t blame them if they think so.
A sister also offered us her TV, as she was moving. When hubby told her I don’t like it, she simply laughed it off. The next time I met her, she asked me again. I politely declined, without offering further explanations. Some things are better just left unexplained, if explaining it would only cause more controversy. I’m learning to withhold myself now, saying some things only when I deem it the right time and place.
Yes, I am aware that living without TV in these days is common now, because we have the internet. That’s what I meant when I talekd about Shaytaan working in mysterious ways. And that, I have no doubt, will be our fitnah. May Allah protect us from it. Ameen.
This is one of those things, just like homeschooling, that sets me further apart from the mainstream Muslims. I have to admit that at times, I begin to doubt myself.
Maybe I’m being too strict. Loosen up!
But then, I look at my children, and I look at how they have grown up to be so far. I can’t ruin that.
Islam began as something strange. It will end as something strange. People may hurl accusations, labels and hurtful words at me for this. People may even make me feel horrible for doing this, saying I’m going overboard, that in this era, we need to be balanced, that we need to ‘fit in’ and ‘integrate’. Believe me, I’m not trying to be rebellious. I’m not trying to set myself apart. If that happens, then it’s a result, but it’s not my intention. My intention is for my personal improvement. Different people have different problems, different strengths and different weaknesses. And we all have our own pace at which we move forward or backward. I only ask that Allah accepts this of me, and that I’m doing something which pleases Him, for it is His pleasure I seek.
I am aware this is not easy to live with. Within the family, we’re fine, alhamdulillah. I don’t hear kids complaining of wanting to watch TV. Over the years, they have learned to occupy themselves with things to do, be it reading, arts and crafts, quarelling, baking cookies, or playing outside. I think they have pretty rich childhoods, thanks to no TV in the house.
I remember when they were smaller, I had taught them to press the mute button whenever songs come up in their cartoons. After a while, I grew lax and didn’t enforce it much, and I clearly remember that feeling of regret creeping all over me. Children, they are born with fitrah. It is us parents who shape them into who they are. When they were muting the songs, they were doing it as something normal. But when I taught them to mute the songs after letting them listen to the songs for a while, I noticed that they were more resistant. And oh, the regret I felt, was unbearable. I felt that I had failed as a Muslim parent. But alhamdulillah, human beings are pretty pliable. We bounce back.
I don’t really dare say much more, because Allah may very well test me through my children (Oh Allah, please do not test me through my children), but so far, I am content with them. Being a parent at any time and age is not easy. It never was easy.
Sometimes parents make decisions based on their upbringing, which can go either of two ways. Sometimes, we have parents who disagree with another parent’s decisions. Every parent wants what is best for her/his children. And every parent has his/her own opinions, reasoning behind his/her decisions. I don’t claim to be so confident with mine, that it is the absolute right thing to do, and the ’should’, but I do ask that Allah blesses all of us parents with guidance, for we need it the most in order to guide our progeny down the line.
It is only with His guidance that people are led aright. One may have grown up in a non practicing environment, but when Allah’s guidance enters his heart, he may be the best of Muslims among those who grew up in a highly practicing environment. One may have grown up in a highly practicing environment, yet, having lost Allah’s guidance, he might be the worst of people in a non practicing environment. Who are we then, to say that our way will definitely produce highly practicing Muslims? It is not in our hands alone.
That is the beauty of it all. It is not in our hands alone. The fact that it is not so is a constant reminder of our vulnerability, of our weakness, and of Allah’s power, might, and sole reign over the universe.
May Allah shower us all with guidance upon guidance and keep on it till the moment we return to Him. Ameen.
Albuquerque, New Mexico
June 15, 2009 at 6:58 pm | In Family, Mothering, Travel | 2 Comments
Part of hubby’s job description is traveling. Hubby’s first traveling on the job was to Albuquerque. We tagged along, mainly to shop atthe Asian grocery store there, because the ones in El Paso don’t have what we were looking for. This was the week that truly stripped me of energy, as along with my Taleem class, I had to juggle preparing for this trip, and the trip to Tempe the day after, all while the kids were sick, with strep throat.
Right after my Taleem class on Wednesday evening, we drove off to Albuquerque, a 3-4 hour drive. Let me also mention that while it may have sounded simple (‘right after my taleem class on Wednesday evening), it was far from simple. I had to make sure the family had dinner, bags packed, and everything ready by the door, all while attending the 4 hour class. On the way to Albuquerque, both hubby and I were exhausted, since hubby had come home straight from work. We couldn’t see much except for the outline of the moutain ranges and the twinkling stars in the clear night sky. That for me was the highlight of the drive. The kids, N, particularly, said,
“There’s the big dipper!”
To be honest, I never could and still can’t see it, but am amazed by Allah’s twinkling creation nonetheless.
The drive felt like forever, especially because we were all tired, I think. Baby Z had been sick from a few days ago, and it always worries me when he’s sick, because his breathing always sounded like he’s wheezing.
That night, we got to the hotel, prayed maghrib and Isha and then went to bed. The next morning, hubby was to attend the meeting at 7 a.m. and would only be done around 2 p.m. Before we left, I had already surveyed the places we could go to in Albuquerque, and our focus was the Science or Natural History Museum, mostly because we are members and we would be able to enter for free. So hubby printed the map, and that Thursday morning, as hubby went off to his meeting, the kids and I drove off to the Museum. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I do not like driving to unfamiliar places.
So it’s really a wonder that I managed to gather up the courage and drive to a place I have never been to before, with no husband, and in a foreign place. Alhamdulillah though, the directions were pretty straightforward, and before long, we were where we wanted to be. However, S was feverish, N and H were not feeling too good either, so before we entered the Explora (the children Science Museum), each of them got a dose of Ibuprofen.
We really enjoyed our time in Explora, despite the sickness. What stood out to me the most was the teenagers. Apparently, the museum was filled with school children who were on a field trip, probably middle and high schoolers. I have never seen teenagers like such in the Midwest. They looked rather like teenagers from the 80s. The way they dressed, the way they styled their hairs, looked … ancient. When I told hubby this, we came to the conclusion that maybe it was due to the concentration of Catholicism in New Mexico. Interesting.
An incident happened while we were there though. N had been carrying her little handbag, in which she had her newly gifted digital camera from her Abi. This camera in itself, has a long story associated with it. It was supposed to be a surprise for her, hubby ordered it online and when it was supposed to arrive, hubby kept emailing me to anticipate its arrival. 
Ono that day though, the kids and I went out and when we got home, it was around 12 p.m. We never got the package, even though the delivery status on the website said it was already delivered on our front porch.
So we considered it lost, and when N found out how much her Abi had spent on it, she wrote a note to him saying that she would pay him the amount of money he spent for that purchase. That’s N for you.
Alhamdulillah though, the company sent us what was purchased for no cost, so N did get her camera at last. In the museum, I suddenly noticed that she didn’t have her handbag slung over her shoulder. I asked her where it was.
Her response was alarming. As is N, she didn’t know where she had left it. All I could think about was the camera in the bag, and the trouble hubby had to go through in getting it. I was not too happy about it, and I made that very clear to N as we retraced our steps and searched for it.
One thing I wanted to come out of this incident, was N learning responsibility. So after searching for it and not finding it, I told her,
“Keep looking for it, and ask the people if they have seen it. I’m not going to ask for you.”
It was a good thing the museum was not that big. We got to the front entrance and I told N to ask the man manning the registration counter. Sh hesitated. I repeatedly told her that I was not going to do it for her, and that she would have to do it herself.
While telling her this, I spotted her lost handbag at the man’s feet, under the counter. Alhamdulillah! You can’t believe the relief I felt at that very moment, but I didn’t show it to N. I told her that her bag was there, but that again, she was going to have to ask the man herself.
I walked away and left her to do what she needed to do.
That was really a leap of faith on my part, because in truth, I wasn’t sure if she would actually do it. But I left her anyway, hoping she would. I thought to myself,
If she doesn’t do it, it’s her loss.
I was reminded of the tips given in Parenting with Love and Logic, where you let the child suffer the natural consequences of her actions, without bailing her out each time. It was not easy for me to let it go, but I forced myself to, even if it meant she would not get he camera back.
Well, guess what? She did do it. I looked back as I walked away, and to my heart’s delight, I saw her standing in front of the registration counter, talking to the man. Before long, she caught up to me and said,
“I got it.”
I hugged her and commended her. 
That was a huge accomplishment for her, and I wanted her to feel it, not from my praise, which would be external, but from how good she felt, which would be more internal. So I didn’t shower her with praises, but just pointed out to her that she had done it herself, mashaallah.
The other two kids, aware of the incident as we were searching for it, and also aware that I wasn’t too happy with the loss, were busy creating something in the arts and crafts room, with Baby Z. They glanced our way, rather surreptitiously, to see if N had found it. They were too scared to ask N out loud, for fear I would berate them all for being irresposible. I acted normally and from the corner of my eyes, I could see them whispering to N, asking her where she found it.
That was the last of it though. I didn’t bring it up, except to hubby later on. I was happy things turned out as it did, mainly because I believe it taught N a lesson. Alhamdulillah for the happy ending, because it could very well have been a bad one, which I personally would have trouble dealing with, but would have been forced to bear.
Let's go...
We spent quite a lot of time at Explora, and it was only later on that I realized that the Natural History Museum was another building. I only relaied that when I happend to look at some brochures in Explora. I had thought that that was it, because COSi in Columbus was kind of like Explora and that that was it. So I told the kids,
“You guys wanna go to the Natural History Museum?”
Too bad we couldn't stay longer
A couple of times, the cellphone rang in my purse, but I didn’t realize it. Let’s just say that I am pretty ignorant when it comes to cellphones, and the one sitting in my purse was hubby’s (his first cellphone). Hubby had called and said that he would be over to the Museum in a few minutes, as it was on the way to someone’s office, so I didn’t have to go back to the hotel to pick him up.
Talin
We hurried to the Natural History Museum, but unfortunately, after just 5 minutes in there, hubby arrived. To beat traffic on the way home, he rushed us to the Asian grocery stores. Talin, as I learned, was a huge Asian supermarket, bigger than any Asian stores I have been in before in the United States. As we left the Natural History Museum, I gathered quite a few brochures, and thought to myself,
Albuquerque is a fine place to visit. We have to come here again just for vacation next time!
To this day I still have the brochures tucked safely in a basket next to this computer desk. I don’t know when we will be able to go, but inshaallah we will, for I long to go to that Natural History Museum again. Inshaallah.
We got home around 12 a.m. that night, and I ended up going to bed around 1-1:30 a.m. after putting the groceries away and cleaning the kitchen and the coolers we had put shrimps, fish and squids in. Suffice it to say, it was very exhausting, especially since the kids were sick, and we were to go to Arizona the next day. Subhanallah, it all ended rather nicely, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.
Inshaallah, I hope there will soon be a need for a post on our visit to Albuquerque, for pure enjoyment. And if not, I hope inshaallah, there will be one on a visit for seeking knowledge.
What Happens When Ummi Sleeps In
May 14, 2009 at 4:10 pm | In Desert life, Family, Kids, Mothering, New Mexico, Thoughts | 3 CommentsI’ve been skimping on sleep lately, especially during the hectic week of travelling (I owe this a post), so this morning, I slept in after Fajr. Since Fajr is now around 4/5 a.m. and sunrise is around 6 a.m., when I woke up, it was close to 9 a.m. I know. That’s a long ’sleep in’. Well, I had many days worth of sleep to make up. Even that is not enough.
While I was debating with myself whether to get out of bed or not, I thought I heard the vaccuum downstairs. Yesterday, when I went downstairs, the kids were already up and about, and the living room looked like it had been tidied up. As I soon found out, S had tidied up the living room, H had swept the floor and S had mopped it. They had also vaccuumed the living room. Nice! A mother could sure get used to that every morning.
When I came downstairs this morning, the house was cleaner than it was last night (I was too out of sorts to clean it before going to bed). I had peeked over the landing from my room and again, the pillows were neatly arranged on the couch and love seat. As I passed by the kitchen, I almost couldn’t believe my eyes! Usually, there would be a jar of opened peanut butter, strawberry jam, spread knifes on empty plates full of crumbs, sliced cheese wrappers, and opened bread containers littering the countertop, greeting me in the morning. Today, I was pleasantly greeted with a countertop that is free from all the eye sore, and the only thing laid out were two blue place mats, nicely arranged next to each other. My eyes scanned the rest of the kitchen, and sure enough, there was no usual ‘litter’ that often drove me to my inner monster. Alhamdulillah!
I quickly walked across the living room to the sunroom, wondering if the love seat’s slipcover was nicely tucked in. If it was, that would be a really nice surprise. I’m just learning the use of slipcovers. From this one, it’s not that easy to maintain, as it keeps coming loose from behind and under the cushions, that we always end up with a messy wrinkly mass on the seat. Unfortunately, the love seat still looked like that. The sunroom was not touched by the cleaning hands of the kids, apparently. Not a disappointment, as the fact that they even cleaned the kitchen and living room was already a nice surprise. I went out to the backyard and checked on my plants, which have been left out there ever since the weather turned warmer.
Before, we have had to bring the pots in every evening, before Maghrib, so the plants would not be destroyed by the extreme cold temperature of the desert. During the day, the temperature was usually hot but it siginifcantly dropped down at night. Now, we are in the 100s, and so the night temperatures are tolerable for the plants, and us.
My red bell pepper doesn’t seem to be fruiting, and neither are some of my other plants. Some of my chilli plants have been fruiting, but I’m just not sure if they are progressing as they should. Vegetable gardening is not my niche, so I’m pretty ignorant about this.
I have this plan, or should I say, dream of filling my house with house plants, and just yesterday, I went with Hamzah to the library, primarily to return his overdue book, but we ended up checking out an armful of books. We hadn’t brought our library bags, so the load of books we had got, attracted one librarian in particular who remarked,
“That’s whole lot of goodies you got there.”
I had swept the shelves of indoor gardening books in much glee, because I have been thinking and planning about this for quite some time now. Just a few days ago, I got 3-4 bagfuls of Better Homes and Garden and Family Fun magazines from Freecycle, and I’m as happy as a lark with my new free collection of past issues of BHG.
Anyway, back to ‘What Happens When Umi Sleeps In’, as I was making my way through the house, which looked pretty clean, the kids were in the girls’ room, apparently vaccumming. I went in and said,
“Mashaallah! The house looks very clean!”
“Yeah, it’s a hotel!”
“Is it going to be a hotel only for one day?” I asked.
S looked at me and in her quiet way, said,
“No, remember yesterday?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“We like to do it when you’re sleeping.”
“Ahh..then I should sleep in everyday!”
“Ummi, we have to do N’s bed today.”
I looked at the long flat rectangular box containing N’s new one leve captain bed frame and nodded. We had bought S one, and we had successfully put it together alhamdulillah. There was only one available at the time at Big Lots though, so for quite some time, N didn’t have a bed frame. We had missed one at Big Lots when they restocked, because I didn’t buy it because I couldn’t transport it home by myself. So when we went to Big lots later on, and they had restocked it again, I told hubby to go get it immediately, before someone else purchases it and we have to wait ages again. So now, both girls have a bed frame, but we have yet to put it together.
“Inshaallah we’ll do it today, but I still have to prepare my notes for today’s class.”
My Taleem class has been taking over my life in a nice way lately, alhamdulillah. Every Wednesday and Thursday, I would be in front of the computer from basically 3:30 – 7:30 p.m. Tuesdays are our Divine Link days, where all of us would drive to El Paso a little before maghrib to attend Sheikh Yaser’s weekly class that he had set up for his community. On Mondays, from now on, a family comes to the house for Quran lessons, with the kids as teachers too. So my days in the week are pretty much filled up, alhamdulillah with beneficial things. Though, it has exhausted me. I have to make sure I have cooked and make sure food is enough from Tuesday through Thursday, because dinner time occurs at 5:30 p.m. during which I am in class. So every Tuesdays, or sometimes Wednesdays I have had to bustle about in the kitchen in the mornings. Monday is also S’s horse ranch day. I find that going out of the house drains me of energy. I don’t know how the working moms do it.
So here I am, finally updating the blog, which has been abandoned for quite sometime. I thought I would document today’s ‘Good Morning Ummi’, as it doesn’t happen very often. I will savor this, and here is my hard evidence for this day’s occurrence. If this goes on, I will no longer have to make a chore chart, or yell and nag the kids to clean up. Will this go on, though?
I don’t know. I would like for it to, but everyone knows that might be a little too much to ask. So, I’m happy with today, alhamdulillah.
Kids, JAZAKUM ALLAH KHAIR! Muahs!
Oh, and to top it off, H offered me,
“Ummi, you want a hot chocolate?”
I feel pampered. Forget Mother’s Day! Alhamdulillah!
THis was what I found Baby Z wiping his nose, next to my bed when I woke up.
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