Ilm Summit/ Hajj

June 18, 2009 at 4:45 pm | In Al Huda Institute, AlMaghrib, Bayyinah Institute, Community, Deen, Family, Quran, Thoughts | 5 Comments

I know. Hajj is not comparable to Ilmsummit, but from yesterday’s Alhuda’s class, I was struck by the yearning for both these events. We did verses 197-203 of Surah AlBaqarah yesterday, and these verses concern a lot about the rites of hajj.

One of our goals, or, well, at least my personal goal, is to finish paying off our student loans, save some money and go to hajj, either with the kids, or without. Yesterday, as we did word analysis and tafseer of these verses, it struck me. The wisdom behind us not being able to go to hajj yet. I knew this before, but it really struck me yesterday. And along with that, it struck me how parallel the feeling is for Ilmsummit.

A few days ago, something happened in my life that sent me into a rollercoaster of joy, yearning, sadness, acceptance, hope, and determination. I received an email from AlMaghrib Institute saying I am pre-approved for Ilmsummit, with a scholarship worth $575. I was reeling with excitement. To be honest, I never even bothered about Ilmsummit before, because logistically, it’s almost impossible for me to attend this two week intensive course with 4 kids. I can’t leave them for 4 weeks! Or can I?

When I told hubby, he immediately told me to go. Of course, me being the less intelligent one, said,

“How are you going to handle the kids for 2 weeks?”

I should have remembered. Hubby is hubby. He can make do. He shrugged. But I know that meant he will figure out a way. He always does. That is one reason we were able to both go to school with babies in the house. Alhamdulillah. I feel so blessed to have a husband who is not fussy, and who is not a typical man (in the sense related to the above scenario). Walhamdulillah!

He said,

“Just make istikharah and then try to go.”

I love how istikharah has made its dominant presence in our life, from little things like deciding to buy a china buffet to major stuff like this. And I’m even loving how the kids are very exposed to this, which is a life lesson in itself. May Allah bless us with guidance until our end. Ameen.

However, qadr Allah, hubby is supposed to go to Madison, Wisconsin July 25th – 28th, and the Ilmsummit is from July 24th though Aug 9. Divine Speech, which I have been planning to attend, in Tempe, AZ, is from Aug 7th through 9th. Though Nouman Ali Khan is going to be there at Ilmsummit, nonetheless.

It was a huge dilemma.

1. The four days hubby is going to be away, where do we put the kids?

2. I’m going to miss Divine Speech if I go to the Ilmsummit, though Ilmsummit in itself is an experience to look forward to.

Hubby already said that we can rent a car, leave H with some brothers here, and drive to Houston, drop me off, and he would drive back with the kids. Subhanallah! How much more supporting can a husband be? Alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah!

After a bout of almost jumping up and down, getting excited over the prospect of meeting up with my Columbus sisters who are also going to attend Ilmsummit this year, I calmed down and did some serious thinking.

I couldn’t leave the kids for four days without hubby. That trip to Wisconsin is a must for hubby, even though he hasn’t bought the ticket yet. On a spiritual level, I don’t think I’m that prepared for Ilmsummit. My amount of Quran memorized is embarassingly qaleel. A decision started to form in my head. That night, I made istikharah, along with emailing my dear sisters for the consultation part.

All of them told me to go. Of course. Duhh…

Divine Speech, according to an Ameerah of a qabeela, is better than all the AlMaghrib classes combined.

That did it. I’m not going to miss Divine Speech.

So, when hubby asked me if I’m going, I told him no. I told him, (after finding out that he too had received an email saying he was accepted with a scholarship)

“We’ll go together next year inshaallah.”

The kids, we’ll figure it out. Houston is great with babysitting, mashaallah.

And yesterday, when we covered the verses on Hajj, I felt this yearning burning in my heart, and then it struck me how similar that yearning is to me wanting to attend Ilmsummit. My reasons of not being able to go yet is also somewhat parallel for both.

I sincerely don’t feel I am spiritually ready for Ilmsummit. If I go, I want to optimize the learning there. I need to grow more in my deen. Memorize more Quran. Understand more of the deen. Be more disciplined in my daily schedules. And by next year, I would hope that I will know what my role is in this community, so I can optimize my Ilmsummit experience to give back to the community, inshaallah.

For Hajj, I have felt this yearning burning in me for so long. A close friend, who had recently gone, fueled this yearning in me even more. But, I have learned to always look for the silver lining in things, and alhamdulillah, what I see regarding this, is soemthing quite similar to the silver lining for not being able to attend Ilmsummit.

I have a lot to learn about hajj. I may know it, but not enough. I have time now to learn all the rulings about it. I don’t want to go, do hajj, then come back and realize that I did something wrong. I want to optimize that hajj experience. All this waiting is a good opportunity to increase my knowledge about hajj and the deen in general.

Regrets? A dear sister, K, who is going to Ilmsummit this year, told me that she had yearned to go last year, but she knew she couldn’t, so she prepared for this year. One thign she said was that she didn’t feel any regret over not being able to go last summer because what she did last summer was worth it. That gave me comfort. And when you think about it, it’s the same as not being able to go to hajj this year, or any year. You do something else that is beneficial. No regrets. And of course, with istikharah, definitely no regrets inshaallah.

As for Divine Speech, the sister in Tempe told me they woud be having babysitting. By default, I do not dare let anyone babysit Baby Z, because of his allergies. And that was what I told the sister, but as I thought about it, it dawned on me that S and the other two are big, and responsible enough to keep their eyes on him. So I asked S,

“If ummi and abi take the class, Divine Speech, the one in Arizona, and we leave you with babysitting, do you think you can watch Z?”

She nodded.

So I asked hubby on gmail chat, if he wants to take the class with me.

That is a possibility. Another istikharah inshaallah.

I can’t help but wonder if Allah is giving me all these opportunities as the answer to my dua. I never before focused, let alone thought about attending Ilmsummit, but now, I’m inclined towards it. It has become my goal for next year. Along with that came the motivation to increase my spiritual level in my deen, and my Quran memorization. I need this push.

Why now? Why this year? Why not last year? My AlMaghrib grades have always been like that, but why this year? This opportunity set my gears rolling, and fed me with determination and motivation. Pondering, I thought to myself,

Thank you Allah for directing me this way.

I think these all are the answers to my dua.

The opportunities to teach Quran, that is also I think a blessing from Allah. Never before. Why now? Almost in droves (I know, I’m exagerating, but it’s relative).

The class in El Paso. Why now? Sh YB had never before done this, as far as I know.

Tempe getting Bayyinah classes. Around this time. Why now?

Albuquerque starting to establish a Qabeelah. Talk about perfect timing.

I had pined and moped about moving to a town that does not have an Almaghrib qabeelah. And now, I am showered with learning opportunities left and right. No excuses.

Alhamdulillah. Oh Allah, please continue to shower us with Your blessings, of the deen, for both the dunya and akhirah, Ya Allah. Ameen.

Ya muqallibal quloob thabbit qalbee ‘alaa deenik. Ameen.

Another Family Affair – Divine Link

June 15, 2009 at 9:10 pm | In AlMaghrib, Community, Deen, Family, Kids, New Mexico | Leave a Comment
All of us except N and Baby Z have these

All of us except N and Baby Z have these

Who would have thought that while my fellow Haylers in Columbus are about to take this new class fromAlMaghrib Institute, we, the recently relocated clan of H, were to be bestowed the precious opportunity to partake of this wonderful experience? It was the first time Sh. YB held a version of AlMaghrib Institute class for his community, and I’m really grateful to Allah that we were close by to attend it. I would almost say that it’s a somewhat of a consolation from not being in close proximity to any AlMaghrib qabeelah. As Columbus prepared to host the class that weekend, we here in NM, and Texas, were the first to taste the Divine Link, even if it be for one session.

For about two months plus now, we’ve been going to El Paso on Tuesdays, after dinner, for this class. SInce the class is only between maghrib and Isha, Sh YB can’t cover much, so at this rate, we’ll probably only be done with the whole course after 10 months! WHich gives us a reason to see Sh YB every week, so it’s all good. Alhamdulillah.

So, my weekdays are pretty much filled. Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays are class days. In a way, it’s exhausting, especially because I have to make sure there is food cooked by Tuesday that will last us through Thursday, so I won’t have to cook during my class times. That in itself is truly exhausting, and I am truly feeling the chore of cooking more than ever before.

On the other hand, being in a town this small, with a lack of ‘knowledge-filled’ activities, I truly savor my class days. When I am in Sh YB’s class, I feel wonderful, I feel a kind of peace and motivation to improve my ibadah.

While we sit in class, hubby, S, H, and me, N babysits Baby Z outside. The masjid is pretty big and the class is held in the library. The first few classes, N would entertain Baby Z by letting him scribble on paper. After a while though, Baby Z tired of being babysat, and he would stand at the library door (which is usually left open) and we, seeing him there, would gesture for him to come in.

Now, while N sits outside, Baby Z sits with us, IN the class, refusing to go back out to N. He would sit on S’s lap and scribble on her notes. Nowadays, as it probably has been since way back, he is very very close to S, even refusing to sit with me at times. Good for me, huh?

H would usually sit with the men , in front, and is usually oblivisou to whatever Baby Z is doing with us at the back. It was also wonderful to pray behind Sh YB, considering that we don’t have a truly qualified Imam in this town.

sunset1

Every time after class, Sh YB would give us action items to act on. One of them was to determine the prayer times from just looking at the sun and its correlating signs. Here in town, if you’re in the right location, you can actually see the sun setting, and I foolishly thought we were in the right location.

So one evening, as maghrib was approaching, I told the kids to go outside and try to look at the sun setting. Too bad we’re not higher up. All we could see was the glow of the sun.

Last week, Sh YB told us that his 10 year old son managed to tell the time for Zuhr using the shadow, and to encourage us, he said,

“If  a ten year old can do it, anyone can.”

We have yet to try this, but I think that will be what we will do soon biiznillah.

Meanwhile, we are learning the right ways of praying, and as of now, we are rectifying our post ruku’ position.

I feel blessed to have the oportunity to attend this class, or any such classes, with my children. Saves me a lot of teaching, though I still have to guide them, and best of all, we’re all learning together. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah…

Sunday School

March 20, 2009 at 6:43 pm | In Al Huda Institute, AlMaghrib, Bayyinah Institute, Community, Family, Homeschooling, Kid Talk, Kids, New Mexico, Quran | 5 Comments

“I like Sunday school,” S said.

For the first time, Sunday school poses a new meaning for me, since I’m part of the teaching team now, alhamdulillah.

When hubby heard what surahs were being recited at the masjid and how they were being recited, during the Sunday school, he wasn’t too happy or impressed. I on the other hand, pressed the kids to attend it because of the obvious source of potential friends, Muslims at that, in our new place.

They resisted me at first.

“I don’t like Sunday school. It’s too babyish!”

Which made me think that I may have dragged them to too much adult islamic events such as AlMaghrib and Bayyinah classes, alhamdulillah. But I told them this,

“Arrogance. You cannot be arrogant. We may think we know stuff, but it doesn’t hurt to be there. In fact, you get something by being there. The angels that gather around gatherings of remembrance of Allah, and you attend that gathering even though you ‘know’ the stuff, you get reward. You don’t lose anything. It’s not a waste. With Islam, you can’t have that attitude.”

The first week, I sat in with the girls in their class, and hubby handled H. Basically the two hours are divided into two, Islamic Studies and Quran. It was during Quran session that soemthing happened, which led to my new ‘appointment’.

The way Quran is taught is that the teacher would recite and the students would follow in unison. She asked me where my girls are at in their recitation, and I told her. She had them read to her individually, and she was impressed. At the end of it all, she said to me,

“Ok, you should teach Sunday school.”

Immediately I burst out laughing.

“No, I’m serious,” she said, with a serious expression on her face.

I admit to panicking a little, but then I thought of the opportunity of doing good. It felt like a blessing from Allah. I thought of Baby Z. He is no longer nursing as much, and I’m not really bound by him as I was before. Saying yes wasn’t that difficult. So I said yes.

Last weekend was my first class. I felt like a new student instead of a new teacher, and I even said so in the class. I sensed that the students were a little surprised (maybe) at my new appointment, since I didn’t look Arab obviously. The sister guided me in leading the recitation and before long I was conducting my own session. I have to say I wasn’t too satisfied with their letter pronunciation, but it would take some reorganization of how the class is taught to correct that. So I asked the students, like I usually ask my kids,

“Do you mind if we break u pthe hour into two and do a session on how to pronounce the letters correctly?”

The girls looked at me and nodded. And to my surprise, an older girl spoke up,

“We also would like to know the meaning. What does this surah mean?”

Subhanallah. I love these girls already.

“Yes, inshaallah we can also do the meaning. For this surah, I can’t tell you what it means for now. I’d have to prepare for it, but next week inshaallah.”

It was surah Al Haqqah. And yes, I am preparing for that session this Sunday.

The old teacher nodded when I told her of the new hour break up, and since last Sunday, I’ve been racking my brains trying to to figure out how to teach the class. It would be 20 minutes makharij, 20 minutes recitation, and 20 minutes tafseer.

I am loving this new appointment, as I feel that it is yet another way through which I can get closer to the Quran. My Alhuda classes have been doing me great wonders in terms of spiritual happiness and satisfaction alhamdulillah. And now this. May Allah purify my intentions and heart so I do this for His sake only. Ameen.

As for S loving Sunday school, it’s because of the Islamic studies session. Alhamdulillah they have made it interesting, with hands on activities. They are to do some gardening, community service projects, all under the theme of charity. I love it too! Subhanallah, finally my children have an opportunity to do these activities alongside other children. Alhamdulillah!

That first weekend, when we left, I found out that H didn’t attend the Sunday school. Hubby, not being too happy or impressed with the Sunday school from the beginning, just let H be. The week after, I told H to just try it. When it was over, he said he read AlBaqarah. So much for not being impressed! Two other boys read better than him. Arrogance. Arrogance. That’s what brings us down. Nauzubillahu min zhaalik.

We have yet to receive an answer from the brother who hubby had asked if he could be H’s teacher for hifdh, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. But inshaallah, until we find one, H will do his memorization with hubby.

So here I am in a new place, with new people, with new opportunities to reap rewards. When we were in Columbus, knowing that we were to moev to New Mexico, I was crestfallen that there were no AlMaghrib qabeelah close by. Gone are my AlMaghrib days. But AlHuda Taleem Quran class made its appearance in perfect time. I signed up and for the next 3 and half years inshaalah I will be immersed in the study of the Quran. But alhamdulillah, more things have come up. I just found out that the next Bayyinah class will be held in Phoenix, Arizona, which is just 5 and half hours drive from here. So, inshaallah, if Allah wills, I will attend that.

“Columbus lost a teacher,” said a mother to me during last weekend’s potluck, during which I was indirectly interviewed for undertaking such an endeavor as homeschooling, and where I learned to read Quran from. I felt both welcomed and grilled.

“No, Columbus is too big. They don’t need me,” I replied.

“No, they need you in other ways,” a sister chimed in.

I looked down and ate my food at that. It reminded me of my Haylsters. I need them. But inshaallah, they are still within reach via the virtual world. Through my AlHuda classes, I also feel like I never left Columbus, because I practically ’see’ them every week on Wednesdays and Thursdays, alhamdulillah.

I feel truly blessed, and with every blessing there is a test. May I pass these incoming tests with patience, patience that is observed at the moment difficulty or calamity strikes. Ameen. The ongoing tests I have not been passing on a daily basis: getting angry at the kids. Allah help me.

Less than two weeks now…

February 13, 2009 at 8:42 pm | In Al Huda Institute, AlMaghrib, Family, Homeschooling, Kid Talk, Kids, Quran, Siblings, Thoughts, Travel | 10 Comments

The house looks … forlorn. I am forlorn. It actually hurts to put/throw things away at this point, because it hit me: we’re actually leaving Columbus. I don’t think the kids are forlorn, or atleast they’re not showing it. At this point I believe they’re more excited about flying in airplane than moving to a new place. Makes me wish I’m a kid again. No adult worries/troubles. As they say, ignorance is bliss. When you’re a kid that is.

I would say that about 90% of our stuff are nicely packed and ready to go. This week was packing week, and next week will be cooking week. Due to Baby Z’s allergies, I have had to devise a meal plan for him, or rather, a menu that will cater to travelling conditions and situations. At one point, I was stumped, and had to email two of my friends for suggestions and of course, my mother. So far, I have decided to go with making serunding daging, nasi impit, chicken nuggets, preparing chickpeas, and I managed to scour the health food store for some snack items that Baby Z can tolerate. I just worried about his protein, as his iron was low.

ALhamdulilah, a few days ago, H had his nine year check up, during which Baby Z also was seen for his ‘late talking’. I brought up my concern over his low iron and they did some bloodwork. The next day, alhamdulillah, allahu akbar! His iron is normal! Alhamdulillah! As for his delay in talking, Doc said not to worry because he is understanding a lot, and uses sign language to express himself. I have been reading some stuff about late talkers and speech disorders, and I can’t help but worry just a tad about muscle weakness in his tongue or mouth or throat, that would require some form of therapy. I brought it up at the doctor’s office, but he said not to worry too much about articulation right now. Well, when we get a pediatrician in New Mexico, we’ll see what s/he says.

H though, has been having his own speech therapy sessions with his baby brother.

“Da!” he says, and Baby Z follows suit,

“Da!”

Funny how Baby Z doesn’t respond to me when I urge him to repeat something after me, but willingly repeats it after his siblings. I guess he considers it play. Maybe they should homeschool him then.

It’s particularly sweet when H would lead Baby Z in his ’sessions’ by using the stairs as a tool. Together, they would sit at the top of the stairs, and scoot down the next step. For each step, H would utter a consonant-vowel combo, which Baby Z would have to also utter after him. And that’s how they go down the stairs, butt by butt, sound by sound, all the way down. I believe H even managed to get Baby Z to say some sounds he wasn’t able to articulate before, mashaaallah!

Baby Z’s latest obsession now, is Hassan Abdullah Al Awad, the Yaseen boy. This was the boy whom I always watched when I was pregnant with Baby Z, and this was the Quran recitation, along with Saad AlGhamidi’s that I always listened to when I was pregnant with Baby Z. Baby Z would situate himself in front of the computer and watch Hassan recite the first few portions of Surah Yaseen intently. When it was over, he would hit thekey on the keyboard and play it again. And this is how he would sit for a long period of time, in front of the computer. Just like a kid glued to the TV screen.

The kids, now, when they want to distract Baby Z, they would just say,

“Z, Yaseen? Yaseen?” and Baby Z’s expression would change to one of haste, like one rushing to catch a favorite show on TV. As fast as his little legs could carry him, he would go to the nearest computer while uttering,

“Uh! uh!” and pointing to it.

Once, whilc chuckling at his eagerness, I fumbled with the headphones that had yet to be plugged in to the CPU. I had clicked play, so the Youtube video started, and while I fumbled, Baby Z uttered a panicky

“Uh!uh!” because he was missing out on the beginning of Hassan’s recitation. As soon as I plugged the headphones in, and he was able to listen to it, he completely blocked everything out and turned to the computer screen.

I wouldn’t be surprised when the moment comes for him to ‘talk’ if his first full word is ‘Yaseen…” Inshaaallah.

Hubby and H took Heavenly Hues, and as I was about to pack their Heavenly Hues binders in the box, together with the restof our AlMaghrib classes binders, I asked H, who was eating at the table at the time,

“H, can I put your book in the box?”

“No, I have an exam. I have to study!” he replied.

And there I was, thinking,

We’re going to move. How are you going to study??

Then I told him to call hubby and ask him if I can pack the binders.

He did, and barrelled down the stairs saying,

“Abi said don’t touch them!”

Well, I suppose those binders are coming with us then, and not shipped with the rest of our stuff.

After the class, H has been ’sharing’ Heavenly Hues with us, and for some time, I could hear his conversations with his sisters sounding like this,

“Yaser Birjas said…”

That boy loves Sheikh Yaser, and it’s interesting how we’re moving to a place that is just 45 minutes away from him. May the love of the people for Sheikh Yaser be a sign of Allah’s love for him. Ameen.

I keep recalling homeschoolers’ ‘wisdom’ in saying that moving in itself is a learning experience for children. I can see how it is. So far, the kids have been learning (informally, without my instructions) about New Mexico, the process of applying for a passport, the logistics of a move (which has a long list I am not about to expound on), and basically what needs to be done prior, during, and after a move. Meanwhile, hubby couldn’t hold himself back, and ladens math homework on the kids, whether I like it or not, whether the kids like it or not.

As for me, I have taken it upon myself to ’study’ the US Mexican wars, in order to know the history of that part of the United States. History. I didn’t like it much in school. I find it fascinating now. I find it essential now. Very much so.

We have less than two weeks till we fly to New Mexico. Next weekend, hubby, Baby Z and I are flying there to look at some houses, while the kids stay with Rh. That same weekend, after we fly back here, we have to empty the apartment, clean it, and have our things and van shipped to New Mexico.

All of this, and I have Taleem Quran starting next week. For the next 3 and 1/2 years of my life, inshaaallah, my Wednesday and Thursday afternoons and early evenings will be spent studying the book of Allah. I told the kids,

“For the next 3 and a half years, you have to help me out. It’s just two days a week, but every week.”

They groaned, but, inshaaalah, Allah will make it easy in some ways. Ameen. I just have to figure out how I’m doing to do it. From 3:30 – 7:30 p.m. every Wednesdays and Thursdays, I have to make sure dinner is prepared ahead of time and anything else that is bound to occur during that time frame is prepared ahead of time. It won’t be easy, but, if a mother of multiple children can pursue worldly knowledge everyday, surely I can pursue the study of the book of Allah just two days a week, can’t I? It’s not a matter of ‘if I can do it’, but as one very wise sister said once, with regards to homeschooling, but can also be applied to this situation,

“It’s HOW you’re going to do it.”

I feel blessed to have crossed paths with wonderful people who have in their own little ways, guided me closer to Allah through their actions, speech and kind hearts. Alhamdulillah!

Less than two weeks now…I can already feel the tears welling up, ready to go, just like our packed boxes.

After a long bout of silence

January 25, 2009 at 10:24 pm | In Al Huda Institute, AlMaghrib, Community, Family, Quran, Thoughts | 6 Comments

It has been a while since I posted anything. Truth be told, I’ve begun to get used to no blogging, and it’s beginning to grow on me.  Not that there’re no happenings. Oh, trust me. A lot has happened. And because I haven’t been updating the blog, now I feel spent. I feel too spent to update this blog. Several times I set out to write a post, but I was always interrupted, and in the end, I gave up. So, here I am now. Baby Z is napping, hubby and H are in class on campus, the girls are playing quietly, and my toes are still feeling the frigid temperature outside.

I can just kick myself for not updating this blog, because now, I have to ‘explain’ a whole lot of stuff in order to write a new post. Not to the readers, necessarily, but to my future memory. This blog was never about readers. It was always about keeping myself up to date with my family life. And when the kids started to read this blog, there was more reason to keep it going. I had thought about privatising the blog more than once, more than twice, but seeing that I have a lot of silent readers, a handful of whom apparently somehow seem to benefit from this blog, alhamdulillah, I decided to keep it open. May it be a source of easy sadaqah jariah for me. Yes, that’s selfishness right there. Nafsi nafsi. However, once I sense that this blog is of no benefit to anyone, I will privatize it.

Heavenly Hues has arrived in town, alhamdulillah. And ALLAHU AKBAR! The class is sold out! And I had to miss it! This is history in the making for Qabeelat Hayl, and I’m not part of it! However, I’m equally (if not more) happy to still be here to witness this. Subhanallah.

Qabeelat Hayl has had a history of shut downs, low turn out, and a long hibernation period, and oh, not to forget, the dominance of sister presence in the qabeelat activities. We have even been dubbed HER Hayl. That irks hubby so much, that I think, he has silently declared never to have anything to do with Hayl anymore, because apparently, it was declared HER Hayl. Nevertheless, I do believe he has a soft heart somewhere in there, because in this last opportunity to work with Hayl, he has agreed to again undertake the financial aid management for the Qabeelat, and all, without declaring himself as a volunteer. So until now, he remains as one of the hibernating brothers of Hayl, at least to the eye of the masses. Fi sabeelillah. I’m glad he grabbed this opportunity to do something and immerse himself in ajr-inducing acts with regards to calling people to knowledge. Alhamdulillah.

As for me, I am missing out on this wonderful class, because due to comments in previous posts, I felt selfish for hogging the pursuit of seeking knowledge to myself, even though each time I tell hubby to take the class with me, or take the class without me, he goes,

“No, you take it.”

In fact, we even talked about the matter brought up in those comments, and he insisted,

“No, you’re homeschooling them. You need to take these classes.”

I concur, but I still felt bad.

Throughout our marriage, I have always been made to feel guilty by others, just because my husband is too nice to me. He does the dishes, and the Malay brothers say I’m ‘Queen control’. I hate the Malay mentality sometimes. I really do. I truly do. Subhanallah. But the fact is, he is very kind to me, alhamdulillah,  which probably baffles the sisters, because he always seems to throw out these sometimes sharp comments their way.

So, I decided to not take this class, and let him take it. I knew he would resist when I suggested it. But, I also knew his weakness. Yaser Birjas is teaching. He loves Yaser Birjas. I do too, and only Allah knows how badly I want to take this class.He finally agreed to take the class. I said,

“I’m going to be taking the AlHuda Taleem course anyway,inshaallah, and this will be the last AlMaghrib class either of us can take.”

You see, it has come time that we leave this town that we have lived in for 6 years now. My heart is torn. Especially with this ground breaking event of Hayl (sold out class), my heart feels very heavy in leaving this Cow-town. I will sorely miss my dear sisters, whom I have come to think of as my family, for they have treated me like family, subhanallah. Living overseas, of course I miss my family back home, but where some people might get depressed over staying overseas away from familiar surroundings, I find it … enriching (for lack of a better word). Of course it’s not all nice and dandy, but the experience I get from hanging out with such a diverse Muslim community is priceless. The experience and opportunity I get to learn Islam without the burden of cultural baggage and a certain pre-set way of thinking, is even more priceless. My friends in Malaysia may very well think I’m just one of those who have defected from her home country, who has come to favor living overseas because it’s more developed, who is living overseas because of money, and due to the happenings in Gaza, who is one of those who do not care about our Muslim brothers and sisters who are suffering from tax money used to fund the very weapon used to kill them.

Subhanallah.

I was never nationalistic to begin with. I do love the abundance of libraries here. Yes and No. For eleven years, we have been living here with only one income, and a research assistant’s income at that. Most Malaysian graduate students are sponsored by local universities back home. They get allowance, and their salary keeps going. Hubby is not sponsored by anyone. He couldn’t get anyone to sponsor him. Gaza. I wince and I cringe. But truly, this is a bigger and deeper matter than that of tax money and boycotting. That’s as far as I will say about the matter, for in ignorance, I’d better not say much more, but continue learning instead. In the end, what matters is what you are in Allah’s sight. Whatever people want to think, or say, as much as it hurts, I can’t stop them. It’s their right. I should not feel compelled to explain myself to anyone, for I guess it’s none of their business, nor do I think they are interested to hear me out anyway.

According to what we know now, we are to leave Cow-town middle of February, and start a new stage of life in the Western United States in a city with a completely different demography, weather, topography, and geography. There are no AlMaghrib student bodies there. I’m devastated, but at least, I will still  be within driving distance of Almaghrib classes biiznillah.

So here we are, safe and snug at home, while snow flurries continue to fall to the ground outside, blanketing Cowtown with a soft fluffy sheet of white. I don’t think I’ve ever driven in this much snow before. I’ve always left that to hubby. But today, today, I braved it. I braved it with two girls, and a bundled up Baby Z, and drove the van (which actually  needs to have an appointment with a mechanic) in the onslaught of snow and cold towards Kottman Hall, where the third day of Heavenly Hues is taking place. I never expected it to be so much torture missing out on an AlMaghrib class in town.

Since they announced thatthey would be having an open meeting to recruit volunteers after lunch, I told hubby last night,

“Tomorrow Iwill come there during lunch time. I’ll bring food.”

And while I sat in front of the computer, waiting for my Sunday tajweed session to begin, S looked out the window, pointed outside and exclaimed,

“It’s snowing!”

I looked out, and subhanallah, it truly was snowing, like mad. The thought that I would have to drive through that, and that the ground would be thickly covered with it in a few hours, and that I might have trouble parking, or even driving, and that it’s Sunday, when the snow plowing trucks might not come to clear the streets until a working day, worried me, but I waved it aside. I was not going to miss being there, on site, where Heavenly Hues was going on, without me. It hurts. It hurts really deep.

But, for these reasons, I’ve decided to forgo it:

1. Hubby had always babysat for me, letting me take these classes, and in the end, he had to go out of town to take a class that was offered here, that he didn’t take, because he was babysitting the kids

2. This is probably our last Almaghrib class for a while, and I thought I’d give this to him

3. I’m inshaaallah taking the Taleem Course with AlHuda, which means that for the next 3 and 1/2 years of my life, I will joyfully be immersed in the study of Quran twice a week, eight hours per week

4. We are to begin a new stage of our life, and it would be nice for hubby to begin this with the after effects of Heavenly Hues, and for me, with the immersion in the study of Quran, inshaa Allah.

5. I’m hoping to be offered to attend Heavenly Hues through AlHuda, even though it might only be online. It’s better than nothing.

May the class greatly benefit hubby and H.

H, seems very excited and animated by this class, alhamdulillah. He had asked to take it. We thought about it. Hubby initially had said no.

“It’s too hard for him,” he said.

“Let him. The least he would get would still be beneficial,” was my protest.

I got to attend the Free Friday, and thanks to Rh, who offered me a paper and pen to take notes with, I felt like I was in class, like the good old times. Before that, I was just sitting there, listening, not taking notes. Whoever would have thought that taking notes is sunnah? Subhanallah. I can’t recall the hadith now, but the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam had commanded us to trap knowledge by writing it down. We may think that pursuing knowledge, sitting in class, taking notes and exams are for the young, and that we’re too old, but subhanaallah…that is the furthest from the truth. We are never too old to be students. Learning never stops. And when it comes to learning the deen, it should never stop.

And with this long post, I have also forgoed my nap, because now it’s almost maghrib. Baby Z is still napping, in his winter coat on the couch downstairs, and the girls are still playing quietly, and hubby and H are still in class, listening to Shaikh Yaser talking about the book of Allah. And here I am, doing what? Capturing my lingering thoughts and some moments of my life in writing. Ka Ta Ba: to gather.

I will miss all of this…but maybe Allah has other plans for me. Alhamdulillah ‘alaa kulli haal. Meanwhile, we will continue to wait, pack, plan, and make dua.

Hikmah: Using Wisdom in Trying Times

January 13, 2009 at 8:15 pm | In AlMaghrib | 4 Comments
Tags:

gazahikmahAs the world watches the grave events unfolding in the Gaza Strip, history is awaiting to document the actions humanity is about to take:

Shameful Inaction or Heroic Justice?

It is human nature to feel all kinds of intense emotions towards the atrocities in Gaza: anger, sorrow, shame, fear, sadness….yet history is filled with stories of these very emotions resulting in dangerously wrong courses of action. It is evident, then, that these natural feelings act as fog: blurring our hindsight and preventing us from seeing the big picture.

The question then is: in these trying times, how do we use hikmah (wisdom) instead of emotion when taking the right course of action for our Ummah?

Join us for a special Ilminar as we answer this very question and in co-operation with Islamic Relief launch a unique ONLINE fundraising effort for our brothers and sisters in Gaza. Be among those whom history documents as partakers of heroic justice, and above all, those who embodied the true message of Islam.

With:
- Shaykh Yasir Qadhi(Dean of Academics, AlMaghrib Instiute)

- Dr.Hany El Banna(Founder, Islamic Relief)

- Shaykh Muhammad Alshareef(Founder, AlMaghrib Institute)

———————-

Convert to your timezone here:

http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/converter.html

Leaving Baby Z

December 27, 2008 at 11:42 pm | In AlMaghrib, Bayyinah Institute, Community, Deen, Family, Kids, Mothering, Thoughts | Leave a Comment

It looked like everyone was asleep. The windows were dark, both upstairs and downstairs. I pushed my key in the lock and turned, and as I did so, I heard cries. It was almost 12 a.m.

He’s still not sleeping?

Once the door opened, I flipped on the light switch, and what do I see at the top of the stairs? Baby Z, clad in his cut up onesie transformed into too short a shirt that reveals his belly button, and his pajama pants, standing quietly, looking at me. The first thought that ran through my head when I saw him,

He had been crying all this time? From his bedtime till now?

I ran upstairs, scooped Baby Z up in my arms, cooing and kissing him. Hubby was splayed on the bed. He looked exhausted.

“He seemed to be looking for something. He even hugged the towel rack.”

I had nursed Baby Z to sleep around 6 p.m. K picked me up around 7 p.m. and we headed for the Tajweed class. This was the first day.

“He woke up around 7:30. They played, and then when it was time to go to bed, which was rather late, around 10:30, he started crying.”

“He didn’t even want to sleep with S?” I asked.

I had thought, and hoped that Baby Z would have slept all the way through morning, or at least until I came back, around 11 p.m.

Hubby shook his head wearily.

“She didn’t want to sleep with him.”

Subhanallah!

So that first night, it was chaos. That was one of my foremost worry about leaving Baby Z for the classes everyday for ten days. He usually has two naps during the day, one in the morning and the second one in the early afternoon. But sometimes, he would skip the second nap, and create a big change in schedule by doing so. Usually I would keep him awake till around 7/8 p.m. before putting him to bed. Since K was picking me up, and the drive to NICC is about 20-30 minutes, we had to leave earlier, which meant, I either have to put him to bed by 6 p.m. or S would have to put him to bed around his normal bedtime, which further meant, he won’t be nursing like he usually does. The first and second night, when I nursed him before I left, he fell asleep, which was around 6 p.m. He later woke up (treating that as his very late second nap), and so S had to put him to sleep by lying down beside him on my bed.

The first night, she didn’t want to, so hubby had to tend to him, and of course Baby Z kept crying. The second night, S laid down beside him, while he ‘read’ a book. S fell asleep, and hubby said that he heard Baby Z crying, but by the time I was home, he was asleep, with the book next to him. The third night, both S and N laid beside him on my bed, and by the time I was home, again, all three were asleep.

This written during the week:

So, I guess it’s working out so far, though I just nursed him again minutes ago, and he fell asleep. I have a feeling he is going to wake up soon after. To make it worse, tonight, we’re having overnight guests, a couple from Malaysia who are here for their graduate studies, and hubby has a phone interview around 9 p.m., and I will be taking H and S with me to class (deserves its own post). May Allah make it easy on hubby. Ameen.

The roads have been pretty icy and dangerous these past few nights, and last night, there was a wind advisory. Fahrenheit, it was below zero, with wind chill. Tonight, I had both kids (S and H) get ready with their gloves, because with such a temperature plus wind chill, there is a danger of frostbite.

After I graduated from college back in 99, I told myself that I would change my ‘major’ and learn more about Islam. I had spent my youth in secular studies, mostly, and it was about time I dedicate the rest of my life learning about Allah. Four years in Iowa, the last two years, I had sisters over at my house every Sunday for a halaqa. In Georgia, we attended the Jumaah Khutbah almost every week as the masjid was within walking distance, and the imam was very encouraging on bringing children to the masjid. Mashallah, he even made announcements after every Jumua’h, telling the parents to bring their kids to the masjid. In Ohio, I attended a sisters’ halaqa every Saturday for a whole year and more, but it was when AlMaghrib Institute came that I really felt ’structured’. The way the materials were presented was organized. I felt better learning about Islam in an organized way, taught by people with credibility. It hasn’t been easy, attending classes that are actually designed for youth who don’t have to worry about leaving little children at home with somebody for two full weekends, but with Allah’s help, we’ve managed, albeit not without difficulties.

I have never regretted taking any of those classes, even those where we had to travel out of town for, and drag the kids with us. Despite the difficulties, we have benefited a lot, and if I were to weigh the two, I would say that the benefit outweighs the difficulties. Hubby has always let me take the classes, resigning himself to babysit, he claims because I am the one educating the children, thus I need to be educated, and by this he meant Islamically educated. When I only had three kids, none of whom were breastfed anymore, it was slightly easier to attend the classes, but when Baby Z came, I had new challenges, but throughout all those classes I have taken with Baby Z, hubby has always supported me, dropping me off on campus, going back home, coming back again when Baby Z was hungry, waiting for us, and practically spending the full two weekends in difficulty too. His presence in the building outside the auditorium where the classes are usually held has even developed into a ‘marker’ for Hayl’s AlMaghrib classes. He said that several brothers have come up to him and asked,

“So when’s the next AlMaghrib class?”

“Does my face look like an AlMaghrib face?” he quipped.

“They should pay me,” he said.

I have to admit I feel guilty having to put the kids through all these difficulties, and I can clearly imagine someone saying,

“Why do you do this? Poor kids!”

Taking these classes may seem optional, something that people do when they have extra money or extra time.

But, when I keep thinking about it, I realize that taking these classes, at least for me, is obligatory, not only so I can educate the children, but mostly for my akhirah. Mothers leave their children to go to trainings that their jobs require. Mothers leave their children to pursue worldly careers.  Should I even feel guilty? Doesn’t Islam deserve more?

I suppose I shouldn’t even feel guilty, because inshaallah, with the correct intention, these pursuits of mine are my investment for my hereafter. Islam deserves more. Islam deserves better. My deen deserves more. Children are both trials and blessings. We can tend to them 24/7/365 , but there has to be a balance struck between our duty as a mother to them, and our duty as slaves to Allah (though being a mother itself is a subset of being a slave to Allah). And if a mother can leave her children to pursue worldly degrees and extra training and worldly achievements, I guess a mother can also afford to leave her children to pursue spiritual benefits, provided of course, that they are not left in front of a TV set or a video game.

The beauty of being a Muslim is that we believe and heavily rely on life in the hereafter. Suffer here, have fun later. Have fun here, suffer later.

I am definitely counting on this:

A man came to Abu Darda (ra) while he was in Damascus. Abu Darda asked him, “What has brought you here my brother?” He replied, “A hadith which you relate from the Prophet (saw).” Abu Darda asked, “Have you come for some worldly need?” He replied, “No.” “You have come only to seek this hadith?” He replied, “Yes.” Abu Darda then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say:

“He who treads a path in search of knowledge, Allaah will make easy for him a path from the paths of Paradise. The angels lower their wings for the student of knowledge in approval of what he does. All the creatures in the heavens and earth, and even the fish in the depths of the water, seek forgiveness for the scholar. The superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like the superiority of the full moon at night over the rest of the stars. Indeed the scholars are the heirs to the prophets. Surely, the prophets did not bequeath deenaars or dirhams. They left behind knowledge, so whoever takes it, has indeed acquired a huge fortune.” (Al-Musnad 5/196, Aboo Daawood 3/317, At-Tirmidhee 5/49, Ibn Maajah 1/81, Ad-Daarimee 1/98)

More on the blessings of seeking knowledge.

May we be among those whom Allah will make easy a path from the paths of Jannah. Ameen.

As for Baby Z, well, he has gone to bed without nursing for the past week now, which alhamdulillah, makes it so much easier on me, and inshaallah in my intended plan to separate him from our bed with no coercion. It’s all good, inshaallah.


It’s not Just About Tajweed

December 21, 2008 at 8:02 pm | In AlMaghrib, Bayyinah Institute, Community, Deen, Quran, Thoughts | 6 Comments

Remember my dilemma ‘Should I or Should I Not’ a few posts earlier? Well, I made istikharah. My heart was leaning more towards taking it. Since hubby told me to ask the sisters who were going to be taking it to share their notes with me, I emailed three of whom I was pretty certain were going to take the class. And what did I get? I received the below.

“I just told Nadia she should reconsider! Big time…and bithniallah either way whether its new or old it will help in keeping your tajweed in tact. I am still planning on taking bithniallah. For me it’s the idea that I might not get a chance to get this kind of practice of Tajweed-full rules at another point in life. Also, the fact that we’ll be studying the book of Allah in a group…subhana’Allah, imagine the ajir and the malik (angels) making mucho duas for us when we come together. Insha’Allah, if we’re able to money wise we should spend it on this class,because whether we know about it now…the benefits may be greater than beyond thinking I already this stuff. And the cool thing is we’ll get to be around and get to see a different group of people than what we’re used to in our daily routines. Alhamdulilah, I absolutely loved last years session as I got more out of it than the usual grammar sessions.” -Rh-

“Alhamdulillah the tajweed class is really nice, I liked it even though I studied it before. If you’re a teacher, then you can use his methods for your students because he really simplifies the rules (ex: ikhfaa becomes tongue-not-touch/tnt). I liked the class because it polished my recitation and makhaarij, and mashaALlah he’s very entertaining and has awesome gems and tangents so I promise you that you’ll take SOMETHING beneficial from the class inshaAllah.” -Yr-

Alhamdulillah for having good company that pushes you to do good (somewhat of a quote from dear Rh last night). Since my heart was more inclined to taking the class, after reading these messages in my email, I immediately emailed hubby, copied and pasted these and basically told him,

“It’s not just about tajweed. It’s more, and that’s what it is with all the AlMaghrib classes too. We should go in it with the correct intention, not just to learn the material, but for more. It’s the ‘more’ that is the real treasure, the eman rush. If we take a class and all we got is the material taught, we don’t get the best deal.”

He replied, “OK.”

I emailed Bayyinah about financial options; it being one of the major concerns about taking the class in the first place.

The ride, well, let’s just say that the ride issue shouldn’t have been an issue when you have saaliheen sisters like these. Even when they don’t have enough finances themselves, they offer to drive a fellow sister from one end of town to another. Even when they don’t have enough finances themselves, they offer to help pay for stuff for a fellow sister. I see this particularly in the Somali communities, and I think it has something to do with what they had to go through because of the war, subhanallah. May Allah reward those who do this abundantly. Ameen. So, my ride is basically secured walhamdulillah, and may these rides be of benefit to both of us, and may we continue to make it beneficial by filling our talks with the remembrances of Allah, making these rides super super precious. Ameen. Already, we have covered quite awesome grounds these past two nights, subhanallah. I feel so blessed and thankful that I’m still here and able to reap the benefits of this. There surely is a reason we’re still here, Allahu Akbar. The topics discussed during the rides would take up several blog posts, which I do intend to make, but I do want to do those topics justice, so it’s going to take some time to put up, but biiznillah I do intend to put them up.

The reply to my email about financial option was vague to me, but became clearer after listening to the instructor’s outburst on it during the first day. He emailed me back saying,

“Allah will make a way.”

Of course, there’s more, but that was the essence of the message. I didn’t really understand what I was supposed to do. Do I register, or not? I forwarded the email to hubby, and he told me to register. So I did. On the first day of class, I went, but I was quite nervous. Would they let me take the class without being able to pay for it? Do I just go there and embarrass myself? Hubby told me to have that email printed so I could show it to them at the registration table. K, my ride, printed it for me. I felt bad about having to do all this, but I couldn’t let go of this opportunity to learn and be in an ilm-seeking environment.

When K gave me the printed email, I folded it and said,

“Jazakillah khair. I’ll only use this if needed.”

I didn’t want to start off by showing them the email, thus implying that they were going to make it difficult for me from the very beginning. I told the brother manning the table about my email. He just had me write my name and email on the sheet along with other people, and told me that he would ask the instructor about it and he would get back to me the next day.

That first night was indescribable. The instructor began by explaining why we need to learn tajweed, and already, it’s revealed that it’s not just about tajweed, as Rh said above. To top it off, he is really funny, as Yr mentioned above, which really made the class that much more awesome. I went back home raving about it to hubby, though, I did have some problems with Baby Z, who, well, let’s just defer this to another post, for it deserves its own.

As always, I was brimming with things to share and by the time I got home, this need to share was pulsating like crazy. And my husband, being the listener that he is, listened to my raving and recounting of the gems and points that was shared and taught in class. Not only that, but I also shared with him the reflections K and I hashed on the ride to the class and back home.

One thing that really somewhat shook everyone in class, was maybe when the instructor halted his lesson to hark on an issue that has for sure lingered in many people’s minds; his outburst.

“Do you think this is about the 100 bucks?! Invite everyone! Allah will make a way. You say you don’t have money?! My sheikh and I don’t have money either. This is not about the 100 dollars. It’s 3 dollar per hour, work it out yourselves later, but if you want to learn, just come! If you have children, we can put them in the room at the back, and I can put speakers there.”

I told hubby, who had actually given me $105 before I left, that first night. He had said,

“Worst case, just pay.”

“But do we have money?” I asked.

“Yes, inshaallah.”

I had wondered how we would have money when we don’t have any income for the next few months, but I didn’t ask. Allah will make a way, inshaallah.

I kept the wad of dollar bills in my coat pocket, and we decided to pay half of it, and give the other half to someone else, who definitely needs it, may Allah reward her. Last night, I paid half of the tuition, and the brother told me that I can continue paying for it even afterwards when we have the money. Subhanallah..alhamdulillah..allahu akbar! May Allah reward these brothers immensely. Ameen.

It’s definitely not just about tajweed, for I realized that what he taught that first night, I already knew, and what he taught the second night with regards to tajweed, I already knew too, but it’s the other things that really gnawed at my mind and paved an illuminated path towards deeper reflections.

This much I got, at the very least, from two nights of class:

  • Haqqa tilaawatih: to give the Quran its right and do what is halal and stay away from the haram. To give the Quran its right is to also give each letter its right.
  • 60% of the study of tajweed is in phonetics
  • When Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam used to recite, you could hear each letter
  • When the ummah recited, implemented, practised the Quran, we were given honor, but the moment we abandon it, we are humiliated.
  • We should be concerned more on the incorrect recitation of the Quran than the result of ‘panic buttons’ that are pressed to incite Muslims to acts of violence, terrorisms, and what not that take us away from unity (this part of the class was really deep)
  • Tools of shayaateen on women, three of them are depression, anxiety, and regret. As women, know them and remember them, and inshaallah we can better deal with them in our daily lives. (I personally loved this one!)

The funnies:

  • Sisters 25 and older, silence.
  • For __ years, we’ve been hiding behind our women. Brothers, come on!

There are more, but I’m short on time (as always). As always, being in these kind of environment is an eman booster for me personally, as I told hubby,

“I think I really need these. This is where I get my eman rush.”

And as is his way, he nodded and uttered,

“Achaa.”

Which reminds me of a Pakistani sister, who is a mother to grown children, who said to me,

“This is our chance to learn. Before, when the children were younger, we would be home, and we don’t get to go out and learn. So this is nice.”

At the time, she was attending an AlMaghrib class with her grown daughter. I do see what she means now.

In my case, it’s like a race against time, seeing as how I have wasted my youth. I now feel pressured to seek knowledge so as to increase my understanding and iman, and in turn help me raise my children, which in turn help me in my journey towards Allah. Because children grow up so fast, I feel like I’m losing this race, but one take home lesson I really treasure, is that, parenting really is a way through which we are driven to continually check ourselves, and improve our iman and build that connection with Allah.

Alhamdulillah, Who has blessed me with good company who keep me on my toes in doing good.

Alhamdulillah, Who has blessed me with opportunities for me to know Him better so I can get closer to Him

Alhamdulillah, Who has blessed me with health and ability to think and assess my priorities in order to please Him

Alhamdulillah, Who has given me tawfeeq that is the driving force that moves me to take advantage of these opportunities, for without this tawfeeq, regardless of what I do, I will not be able to benefit even if there were hundreds or thousands of opportunities like these staring me in the face.

Alhamdulillah, Who in His wisdom takes the believers by their hands, and gives them this tawfeeq, and this is only for the believers, out of His Love for them.

May Allah keep us guided on siraatal mustaqeem.

Rabbana la tuzigh quloobanaa Ba’da izh hadaytana wa hablanaa min ladunka rahmah innnaka antal wahhaab.

It definitely is not just about tajweed. That’s for sure.

Quran, Quran, and Quran!

November 30, 2008 at 1:27 am | In Al Huda Institute, AlMaghrib, Bayyinah Institute, Community, Deen, Family, Thoughts | 4 Comments

Three opportunities to increase in knowledge.

After the party, hubby sprang a surprise of his own, which led to him asking me,

“Do you want to take the Bayyinah class?”

Of course I do, but before, the issue was that we have to leave pretty soon. Alhamdulillah though, his surprise is a new development that inshaallah will enable us to stay here. For now, it’s still not fully confirmed, so we’re still in limbo, just as before, but inshaallah, if things go smoothly, we won’t have to worry about having to leave for Malaysia, and I might even have to unpack.

A few days after the above question, we, Qabeelat Hayl, received news that we are to host the next AlMaghrib class in town: Heavenly Hues; Thematic Tafseer. Now this one, I’m not absolutely certain I will still be here, but like I said, if I have to unpack, I might very well be joining my haylers in that class, biiznillah!

Then, there is the Taleem Al Quran class, which I have been intending to take ever since I took the Ramadan AlHuda Course. In our desperation of trying to stay here, the matter of me going to grad school came up and for a week, I was in a frenzy of searching for graduate programs, panicking about the GRE, and plain stressed out. In the end though, we decided to put it on hold if I still want to go for it later on, for after studying the program, I came to be interested in it. Nevertheless, the taleem Quran has to take top priority, and I wouldn’t want to die while pursuing a worldly degree. That settled the dilemma, alhamdulillah,

Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah…truly, He will make for you a way out, of that which you never expect.

Suffice it to say, our new development, I would like to think, has left a good experience on the kids in terms of Allah responding to their fervent dua, though as I said, for now, it would be safe to say we are still hanging on to uncertainty. Hang on for the ride, kids. It will inshaallah be khayr, for we are believers, are we not?

Two more days, and we will inshaallah be a little closer to certainty.

Ya Allah, please protect us and bless us in our wealth, life, and happiness. Ameen.

Sweet Secret Surprise

November 30, 2008 at 12:48 am | In AlMaghrib, Community, Touching | Leave a Comment

cutcakeNovember 23. That’s what she said.

“There’s something I want to show you on November 23.”

Then she shushed me when I tried to find out more.

“No asking about the unseen. Shhh!” That’s my beloved Rh.

Then, in a mass email, something popped up, along the line of,

..”are you coming to ___’s thingy?”

I replied to that email and added,

“Btw, what __’s thingy?!”

No one replied. I grew suspicious. At first, I thought Rh was going to come over on November 23 and actually show me something (whatever it is, from the ‘unseen’..chuckle). The email though, fed my suspicions. This involved more than just Rh.

Then, on the Reloaded, the topic of what HnH stands for came up. Me, not being able to attend their onsite review sessions, was completely not in the know regarding this HnH. The sisters only told it to whoever came to the halaqa. So I asked yet again, during the Reloaded,

“What IS HnH?”

And they still didn’t want to disclose it on the forums. Then K said,

“I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

The ‘tomorrow’ was November 23. Hmm…my suspicions were being fed yet again, but I was still powerless in terms of the knowledge of it! All I knew was that they were probably hatching something that involved a surprise, but I didn’t know where and how and who were involved.

On the day (or was it the day before?), Rh sent me an email saying to get ready by 3:40 pm. I told her that I had signed up for a webinar at 4 pm. She hadn’t told me the time, so that 3:40 pm was a surprise to me. But she told me to just look nice, and not give her anymore trouble *chuckle*. So I obliged.

A little after 3:40 she called and asked if we were ready, but said that she was going to be a little late because things were not ready. So I surfed and listened to the webinar until she called again, ready to pick us up, but this time she said,

“You don’t have to bring Z’s car seat. It’s not far.”

After I hung up, I remarked to hubby,

“Maybe they’re having it at Buckeye Village Rec Center, because she said not to bring Z’s carseat because it’s not far.”

“Yeah, right,” was his reply.

I thought he was just being difficult, so I didn’t say anything anymore, but I did wonder,

Where are the girls having this whatever they’re having? It’s almost maghrib and they know I don’t like to drive far after maghrib.

Rh finally picked us up, and to the kids’ and my surprise, she turned into Buckeye Village Rec Center’s parking lot. I could hear H saying, “Huh??” from the backseat. My mind quickly reeled, trying to still figure out how they had booked the room, because only Buckeye Village residents could book the community room, and none of them were residents.

decorroomAs I stepped out of her car, I saw Rq and K waving at us from inside the room. We walked to the door, and I said out loud, still reeling from the surprise,

“How did you guys book the room?”

Rh, who was carrying something behind me, said,

“I don’t know,” still in that ‘this is the unseen’ mode, but then added,

“I do know.”

She paused and then said,

“Your husband.”

I guess you could say that my jaw fell with a huge plop to the frozen ground.

“He knew?!!!!”

“He knew??!! But…”

“He knew?!!!”

That was all I could say for a while.

“H, did you know Abi Knew?!”

The kids were surprised as well, and as I went inside, the sisters greeted me with huge smiles. Apparently, they had thought that I knew about it, because hubby had told them that he had left his inbox open, and that I probably saw the reservation email. But I never did. So they were very pleased that it had indeed been a surprise. As for me, I have to say that emotions began to overtake me as I looked about the decorated room, and I felt a lump in my throat, but I didn’t want to cry right then and there.

When I arrived, there were only the usual small group of Somali sisters. Apparently, I was in for more surprises. NK, a Bangladeshi sister I have known years back through a Malaysian sister, walked into the room, a sister I hadn’t seen for ages, and in my mind, I immediately thought,

How did they get hold of her? How did they know I know this sister?

Then, Indonesian sisters I know walked into the room, and it seemed like the surprise was never ending. Rh had managed, somehow, to get into contact with other sisters I know around Columbus, and invite them to the party.

When I went to the restroom to make wudhu for Maghrib, my emotions were on the verge of being let out. I felt tears threatening to well up and blur my vision, but we were running late and I didn’t want to start crying, because if I did, it would be hard to stop, and I didn’t want to go back to the room looking like I had cried. So I held it.

More sisters came, and I finally found the answer to my question. Rh had collaborated with Hb, who emailed the Indonesian sisters and other sisters that I know, who Rh doesn’t know. Subhanallah! Such a thoughtful gesture.

The cake cutting event arrived, and I was handed a plastic spread knife to cut the cake with. I remarked,

“If you had told me I could have brought a knife.”

And then it sounded ridiculous, as Ar interjected,

“Yeah, ..tell you to bring a knife…”

Imagine if they had, what would I have thought? *chuckle*

It was after the cake cutting that tears really started streaming and sniffles started cropping up around the room. Each of them made a speech, about the first time they met me, and what they had gained from their relationship with me. Suffice it to say, I was made speechless, humbled, and of course, those tears I had held back, gushed forth. Almost everybody in the room gave their own speeches. Some were funny (which I believe was intended to bring a lightheartedness to the somber mood), and some were so heart-wrenching, and some just blew me away with pure emotion. They certainly put me high on a pedestal, more than I deserved, and I wasn’t able to express how I feel about them in spoken words when my turn finally came.

As I went back home that night, there was yet another surprise remaining, and this one, subhannallah, just wrenched my heart. I won’t disclose it, but may Allah reward all these sisters immensely. All night I kept replaying the speeches in my head. I guess, you don’t really know what effect you leave on people, but what struck me most was how Allah has enabled khayr to be exchanged through all of us throughout the years so as to leave those effects among each other. Subhanallah. Truly, the effect of good company is not, never, ever to be undermined. I feel blessed to have been in such good company in all my years here, and in other states we have lived in so far. Alhamdulillah! May Allah continue to bless us with good company wherever He decides to put us next.

I couldn’t really sleep that night, thinking about the sisters. I love them to bits. I do. The younger sisters. Their zeal, enthusiasm, optimism, and eagerness in carrying out works of dawah in the community, has left me feeling like I really wasted my youth, and I look up to them. I want my children to be like them. I want them to be  my children’s immediate contemporary role models. And they make me feel like I haven’t done enough for the community, and I tried as much as I could to follow in their zeal and hard work.

Then there is LY, the sister who is struggling to homeschool, whom I admire for her tenacity in her effort to do so despite the difficulties. Then there is Mc, a mother of six, whom, according to her mother never complains, which puts me to shame. There are sisters whose forthrightness I truly admire, whose determination and confidence I wish I have. Then there is my resident ‘mom’, who was there when I had J, who shrouded him, basically took care of that part of his janazah. I will remember these sisters just as I remember the sisters in Iowa and Georgia who also endowed me with their kindness and beautiful sisterhood. Sisterhood for the sake of Allah is truly the most beautiful, more beautiful than having nationality or ethnic group or culture as the predominant denominator among a group of people. This sisterhood transcends the boundaries set by anything else, as inshaallah, it is for His sake. For His sake we meet (I met them through halaqa, MSA events, AlMaghrib classes, homeschooling purposes, etc), and for His sake we part. May we be among those under the shade of Allah on the Day of Judgment. Ameen.

There remains much left unsaid in this post, but the next morning, I composed a very lengthy email to all of them (well, those whom I have email addresses of) and poured my heart out as to how I feel about each and everyone of them. Even then, there is much left unsaid, and only Allah truly knows how much effect they have upon me, my deeni struggle, my perception, my attitude, and my outlook in life. Alhamdulillah. And that of course also includes sisters I have known throughout the years all across the globe, particularly also those who has honored me by visiting this humble blog of mine to read my crazy ramblings.

cakeside

Oh Allah, please place us in good company, so we may come closer to You and perfect our worship of You. Ameen.

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