Days of Our Lives

Take my hand lil bro, and let's run through this life- giving element together!

Ahhh…summer and sprinklers. The two should be synonymous, especially here in the scorching desert. Last weekend, we went to the outlets en route to El Paso to return a Kitchen Aid blender we had bought during the Memorial Day weekend. I was crestfallen upon opening the box with excitement only to discover that the container is plastic, and not glass. It was a refurbished blender, so we got it for a good price, but thinking of PCB and its effects, and in my endeavor to avoid plastic, I decided to return it, despite being quite desprate for a second blender that will be exclusively for smoothies and non onion, spices, chilli ingredients. Alas, the avocados lying in wait to be made into the Indonesian Pokat went to waste.

On the Memorial Day Weekend, I took reprieve from teaching Sunday School, and excused myself to go and finally do some shopping for the house. Ever since we moved here, we have never had a proper opportunity to shop during the weekends, because I immediately started teaching Sunday school on the second or third week after the move. Life from thereon was very hectic, as I was also teaching on the side. Alhamdulillah though, for the opportunities to bank some deeds for my akhirah.

The sky that hot day...a calming blue.

Hubby, Baby Z and I drove to the outlet, leaving the 3 kids at Sunday school and with the help of a sister who picked them up and dropped them off. It was my first time at the outlet, after seeing it only from a distance from the highway each time we drive to El Paso. It was hot, crowded, and did I mention…hot? It was hot!

No green, except for very few. I didn’t know what it was, but I was suddenly transported back to the East Coast, the Midwest, and 2004. The outlet we had gone to in Pennsylvania, nestled amidts the rolling hills and generous green valleys suddenly flooded my mind.  And as I strolled along the rows of stores at the outlet in El Paso, I couldn’t help but notice how barren it was. I remembered the outlet en route to Michigan, one summer in 2004, which we had visited when I was pregnant with J. The baby clothes we had bought there, we hung in my closet. The day that we visited that outlet, there weren’t many people. It felt almost …deserted. And that feeling accompanied what was to follow. On the day that we came home after being told that there was no heartbeat, I remember rummaging through my closet looking for those baby clothes. They were gone. Hubby had taken them and hid them, for fear of me finding them and getting more grieved.

And all of a sudden, it all came back to me. Tears spilled out, as if it had just happened yesterday. I couldn’t believe I could still produce those tears for J. But I did. Now, I am reminded of a friend’s statement regarding me leaving behind J in Columbus. When she said it, I never thought it a big deal, but maybe, maybe it’s in my subconscious. Maybe, it’s making its presence dominant amidst all my missing good ole Columbus. My friends, our life there, our memories, all triggered by a visit to the outlet in the desert. It sounds absurd, yet it made perfect sense.

Ever since we moved here, my life has been put somewhat on a fast forward, which is both a boon and a curse. A boon because it distracts me from moping, and a curse because it didn’t give me a chance to gradually ease into the moving process. However, the moping process soon caught up nonetheless. I used to welcome the community potlucks, but after a while, I began to dread them, because preparing something for it, while having to teach at Sunday school was no easy feat. I need a break so I can cook for and with pleasure again. There were so many things swimming around in my head and heart, that I think they manifested themselves profoundly in my Facebook statuses. One common factor: I miss Columbus. That’s not to say I abhor LC, but it is just in my nature to have some problems adjusting to a new place everytime we moved. Melancholy may very well be my submerged middle name.

the position he took and maintained

Back to the outlet. Well, we went there a second time with all the kids this time. It was still hot. The first time we went, we had placed Baby Z right in the midst of the the interactive fountains, and he had stood as still as he could, apparently not taking pleasure in the experience. I had said to hubby,

“Maybe if the kids are here, he’d enjoy it.”

I remember one visit we had to OSU hospital, after which we stopped by the fountain, and the kids all had played in it, yes, Baby Z included. He even protested when it was time to go home. And now, we put him right in the middle of the fountain in the heat, and he stood as passively as he could.

So the second time we went, I thought Baby Z woud act differently. Well, he didn’t. He did the same thing, that frame after frames of the photos I took looked like the same snapshots. H got drenched though, and after some hesitation, N plunged in too. S, remained on the sidelines.

All in all, it was an enjoyable experience with all the kids. Alhamdulillah. Though I still miss the midwest and the east coast, and the fact that hubby is flying to Washington D.C. this weekend for a whole week, without us, just makes it even more unbearable. Oh well…the water has receded, the fountains have stopped. It’s about time I stop moping as well.

The end