Days of Our Lives

It looked like everyone was asleep. The windows were dark, both upstairs and downstairs. I pushed my key in the lock and turned, and as I did so, I heard cries. It was almost 12 a.m.

He’s still not sleeping?

Once the door opened, I flipped on the light switch, and what do I see at the top of the stairs? Baby Z, clad in his cut up onesie transformed into too short a shirt that reveals his belly button, and his pajama pants, standing quietly, looking at me. The first thought that ran through my head when I saw him,

He had been crying all this time? From his bedtime till now?

I ran upstairs, scooped Baby Z up in my arms, cooing and kissing him. Hubby was splayed on the bed. He looked exhausted.

“He seemed to be looking for something. He even hugged the towel rack.”

I had nursed Baby Z to sleep around 6 p.m. K picked me up around 7 p.m. and we headed for the Tajweed class. This was the first day.

“He woke up around 7:30. They played, and then when it was time to go to bed, which was rather late, around 10:30, he started crying.”

“He didn’t even want to sleep with S?” I asked.

I had thought, and hoped that Baby Z would have slept all the way through morning, or at least until I came back, around 11 p.m.

Hubby shook his head wearily.

“She didn’t want to sleep with him.”

Subhanallah!

So that first night, it was chaos. That was one of my foremost worry about leaving Baby Z for the classes everyday for ten days. He usually has two naps during the day, one in the morning and the second one in the early afternoon. But sometimes, he would skip the second nap, and create a big change in schedule by doing so. Usually I would keep him awake till around 7/8 p.m. before putting him to bed. Since K was picking me up, and the drive to NICC is about 20-30 minutes, we had to leave earlier, which meant, I either have to put him to bed by 6 p.m. or S would have to put him to bed around his normal bedtime, which further meant, he won’t be nursing like he usually does. The first and second night, when I nursed him before I left, he fell asleep, which was around 6 p.m. He later woke up (treating that as his very late second nap), and so S had to put him to sleep by lying down beside him on my bed.

The first night, she didn’t want to, so hubby had to tend to him, and of course Baby Z kept crying. The second night, S laid down beside him, while he ‘read’ a book. S fell asleep, and hubby said that he heard Baby Z crying, but by the time I was home, he was asleep, with the book next to him. The third night, both S and N laid beside him on my bed, and by the time I was home, again, all three were asleep.

This written during the week:

So, I guess it’s working out so far, though I just nursed him again minutes ago, and he fell asleep. I have a feeling he is going to wake up soon after. To make it worse, tonight, we’re having overnight guests, a couple from Malaysia who are here for their graduate studies, and hubby has a phone interview around 9 p.m., and I will be taking H and S with me to class (deserves its own post). May Allah make it easy on hubby. Ameen.

The roads have been pretty icy and dangerous these past few nights, and last night, there was a wind advisory. Fahrenheit, it was below zero, with wind chill. Tonight, I had both kids (S and H) get ready with their gloves, because with such a temperature plus wind chill, there is a danger of frostbite.

After I graduated from college back in 99, I told myself that I would change my ‘major’ and learn more about Islam. I had spent my youth in secular studies, mostly, and it was about time I dedicate the rest of my life learning about Allah. Four years in Iowa, the last two years, I had sisters over at my house every Sunday for a halaqa. In Georgia, we attended the Jumaah Khutbah almost every week as the masjid was within walking distance, and the imam was very encouraging on bringing children to the masjid. Mashallah, he even made announcements after every Jumua’h, telling the parents to bring their kids to the masjid. In Ohio, I attended a sisters’ halaqa every Saturday for a whole year and more, but it was when AlMaghrib Institute came that I really felt ’structured’. The way the materials were presented was organized. I felt better learning about Islam in an organized way, taught by people with credibility. It hasn’t been easy, attending classes that are actually designed for youth who don’t have to worry about leaving little children at home with somebody for two full weekends, but with Allah’s help, we’ve managed, albeit not without difficulties.

I have never regretted taking any of those classes, even those where we had to travel out of town for, and drag the kids with us. Despite the difficulties, we have benefited a lot, and if I were to weigh the two, I would say that the benefit outweighs the difficulties. Hubby has always let me take the classes, resigning himself to babysit, he claims because I am the one educating the children, thus I need to be educated, and by this he meant Islamically educated. When I only had three kids, none of whom were breastfed anymore, it was slightly easier to attend the classes, but when Baby Z came, I had new challenges, but throughout all those classes I have taken with Baby Z, hubby has always supported me, dropping me off on campus, going back home, coming back again when Baby Z was hungry, waiting for us, and practically spending the full two weekends in difficulty too. His presence in the building outside the auditorium where the classes are usually held has even developed into a ‘marker’ for Hayl’s AlMaghrib classes. He said that several brothers have come up to him and asked,

“So when’s the next AlMaghrib class?”

“Does my face look like an AlMaghrib face?” he quipped.

“They should pay me,” he said.

I have to admit I feel guilty having to put the kids through all these difficulties, and I can clearly imagine someone saying,

“Why do you do this? Poor kids!”

Taking these classes may seem optional, something that people do when they have extra money or extra time.

But, when I keep thinking about it, I realize that taking these classes, at least for me, is obligatory, not only so I can educate the children, but mostly for my akhirah. Mothers leave their children to go to trainings that their jobs require. Mothers leave their children to pursue worldly careers.  Should I even feel guilty? Doesn’t Islam deserve more?

I suppose I shouldn’t even feel guilty, because inshaallah, with the correct intention, these pursuits of mine are my investment for my hereafter. Islam deserves more. Islam deserves better. My deen deserves more. Children are both trials and blessings. We can tend to them 24/7/365 , but there has to be a balance struck between our duty as a mother to them, and our duty as slaves to Allah (though being a mother itself is a subset of being a slave to Allah). And if a mother can leave her children to pursue worldly degrees and extra training and worldly achievements, I guess a mother can also afford to leave her children to pursue spiritual benefits, provided of course, that they are not left in front of a TV set or a video game.

The beauty of being a Muslim is that we believe and heavily rely on life in the hereafter. Suffer here, have fun later. Have fun here, suffer later.

I am definitely counting on this:

A man came to Abu Darda (ra) while he was in Damascus. Abu Darda asked him, “What has brought you here my brother?” He replied, “A hadith which you relate from the Prophet (saw).” Abu Darda asked, “Have you come for some worldly need?” He replied, “No.” “You have come only to seek this hadith?” He replied, “Yes.” Abu Darda then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah (saw) say:

“He who treads a path in search of knowledge, Allaah will make easy for him a path from the paths of Paradise. The angels lower their wings for the student of knowledge in approval of what he does. All the creatures in the heavens and earth, and even the fish in the depths of the water, seek forgiveness for the scholar. The superiority of the scholar over the worshipper is like the superiority of the full moon at night over the rest of the stars. Indeed the scholars are the heirs to the prophets. Surely, the prophets did not bequeath deenaars or dirhams. They left behind knowledge, so whoever takes it, has indeed acquired a huge fortune.” (Al-Musnad 5/196, Aboo Daawood 3/317, At-Tirmidhee 5/49, Ibn Maajah 1/81, Ad-Daarimee 1/98)

More on the blessings of seeking knowledge.

May we be among those whom Allah will make easy a path from the paths of Jannah. Ameen.

As for Baby Z, well, he has gone to bed without nursing for the past week now, which alhamdulillah, makes it so much easier on me, and inshaallah in my intended plan to separate him from our bed with no coercion. It’s all good, inshaallah.