Watering Fruits … and Vegetables
July 6, 2009 at 11:33 pm | In Family, Kitchen | 1 Comment
Watermelon drink
There are a lot of things that should be synonymous with summer, some of which include ice cream, swimming pools, smoothies, air conditioning and watermelon. And watermelon is what we had a lot of recently alhamdulillah. In Malaysia, I’ve always been a fan of Air Tembikai, and I juiced up some watermelon chunks recently to make some Air Tembikai, much to S’ aversion. Only H shares my Malaysian tastebud. When I made Air Timun (Cucumber juice), he was the only one who took to it with as much vigor as I did. With the watermelon juice, it’s the same.
To snap the photos, I decided to do it outside. H accompanied me, commenting on the position and what not. As for the watermelon, we had to leave some cut pieces unjuiced. In fact, while S was cutting up the watermelon, she made sure she cut a few good amount and told me specifically,
Cucumber Drink
“Don’t make that into juice.”
Alhamdulilah later on, hubby bought more watermelons, now sitting languidly in our foyer by the front door.
Now, if only I can eat the yellow ones…ahhhh…
Murtabak and Rainbows
July 6, 2009 at 11:30 pm | In Desert life, Family, Kitchen, New Mexico | 2 CommentsI would have never even thought of attempting to make this food item years ago. Too complicated. But after trying making roti canai, I have been entertaining the thought of attempting to make Murtabak, a food item that I love to eat with the vinegar/onion dip. I didn’t make the dip though, because as it was, I was already too exhausted from making the sheets for all the murtabak and roti telur we made.
The ground beef filling plopped on the thickest part of the stretched ball of dough
Last Friday was a holiday preceding the 4th of July. I planned for this Murtabak weekend days before, because it required some planning, seeing as how we were also going out. On Saturday we went to El Paso Outlets to get the girls some new needed shoes and soe zabiha chicken and meat because we were running low on them. We also managed to run to the Farmer’s market early in the morn to get some Japanese eggplants. We had also thawed the goat that hubby had bought (or was gifted actually) from Albuquerque. So there was a lot of work to do after we got back from El Paso. Hubby did the goat before he went to play soccer. I made the murtabak filling (ground beef), two different recipes of roti canai dough and continued hubby’s unfinished goat cutting. I was wiped out by night time.
H's the murtabak fryer
The next morning, as soon as Baby Z woke up, we went to Young Park for our tennis Sunday, and even strolled in the park at the pond, watching ducks. It was a really nice park. Kids can fish at the pond too. I tried on S’ rollerblades and realized that months of no rollerblading has made me very wobbly and screamy on it. I need more practice.
When we got home, I showered and set out to make the murtabak. It took two grueling hours to be done with all the dough balls I had submerged in oil from the night before. H was in charge of the frying. While I pressed, thinned, stretched, and gingerly wrapped each heap of ground beef filling with the roti canai sheet, H fried the murtabaks. As soon as he took one out of the pan, he’d call out to me and I would go to the kitchen with a wrapped murtabak held gingerly in my two palms, dripping oil on the floor along the way. It was messy work, but the murtabak were turning out so nicely (I hadn’t vouched on them turning out so nicely since I didn’t really think I could do it) that the exhaustion was worth it.
I used my mother’s roti canai dough recipe, but for some reason the dough balls were tough and gritty. I must have mixed it wrong the other night. The other recipe I used though, the one that I used in my first attempt to make roti canai, worked out beautifully. It was such a pleasure to stretch it.
That was our lunch, and for Baby Z, it was white rice, and the goat I had cooked the night before. We only had less than half an hour after all that work to get ready to go the masjid because the girls had Arabic class in which they have to submit their homework of writing a short essay of ‘What I do every morning’. Reminded me of ‘inshaa”‘ in secondary school.
The rest of Sunday was sent inside the house while it poured outside. I welcome thunder and rain here. Can’t believe how happy the sound of thunder makes me feel, subhanallah. It really cool things down.
As the girls were in their room, hubby napping upstairs, and I lounged on the couch in between trying to nap and also working on the kids Ramadan activities, I heard H suddenly dash to his sisters’ room saying,
“Come! Come! Look at this. It’s so cool! Meet me in the backyard!”
I have to say it peaked my curiosity and even though I was trying to have some shut eye, I got up and fed my curiosity.
A beautiful full rainbow adorned the blue sky. It was still slightly drizzling, and the sun was descending, getting ready to set in a few hours. It was magnificent, subhaanallah. H, Baby Z, and I stood in the backyard, in the drizzle, looking at it and taking pictures. There was also a second faint rainbow, a double rainbow. Just breathtaking…Allahu Akbar!
It would have been nice if that was how our Sunday ended, but unfortunately we had been lounging to much that afternoon that by maghrib, the kitchen hadn’t yet been cleaned as it usually is, so cleaning took place between Maghrib and Isha with a grumpy mom leading the way. But in all, it was a great weekend, alhamdulillah, one of murtabak and rainbows.
Dealing With Allergies
July 6, 2009 at 5:24 am | In Allergies, Kid Talk, Kids, Siblings | 4 Comments
I was probably born a geek. I love to learn. And maybe, going by la yukallifullahi nafsan illa wus’ahaa, that’s why I have been endowed with a child with multiple allergies, seeing my capacity for reading up on things. Though I have to admit, reading up on allergies is not exactly my cup of tea. But I guess, with everything in life we all face, we eventually get the hang of it, even if in the beginning it seems almost impossible to handle it. I recall a friend saying something along the lines of,
“I’m not ready to have a baby yet.”
I remember thinking, (at the time I already have 2 of those babies)
I probably wasn’t ready either when I had S, but you deal with it. There’s no getting ready for anything, when it happens to you, it means you have the capacity to deal with it.
We all know that, most probably, but yet it is still difficult to actually undergo situations that are our personal tests and trials. Subhanallah.
Even though I am now freed from following Baby Z’s diet, his allergies have become a part of our lifestyle. We even resorted to buying him a special toaster oven due to his allergies to wheat, eggs, dairy and peanuts. I can’t very well use one toaster for our bread and then clean it meticulously to toast his bread. Even the slightest contact of bread crumbs or flour would induce hives on his skin. I dare not take the risk, plus it’s almost impossible.
Back in C-bus, we had him go through the soy challenge, in which the allergist gave him a few milliliters of soymilk we had to bring in, and then increased it in amounts depending on his lack of reaction to it.
It was quite unnerving as we closely watched for any signs of hives or other reactions while the allergist left us in those intervals. Baby Z seemed oblivious to what was happening, except that he was being given something sweet and new, which he seemed to like. We spent that hour at the allergist’s office watching Baby Z run around and playing with his siblings as he normally does; hiding under the desk, grinning, laughing. Alhamdulillah.
Alhamdulillah he passed that challenge and we started giving him soy. In the beginning, he still had mild reactions to it, so I limited his soy intake. Now alhamdulillah, he is taking soy normally, though I still worry slightly about a recurring allergy, na’uzhubillah.
Alhamdulillah also, he seems to understand that what we eat, he cannot necessarily eat. I did worry about him asking for what he sees us eating, and I didn’t get down to devise a plan to counter this possibility, but alhamdulillah Allah made it easy. He seems to understand and not ask for food he’s not familiar with. He does look at them with curiosity and interest, but he doesn’t ask for it.
I am guessing that it might also be the kids’ indirect teaching.
“Oh..Z..you can’t eat it. You’re allergic..”
That’s what I always hear the kids saying to him. He doesn’t cry for it, nor does he demand it. I can’t know for sure if he understands what alergic means, but I guess maybe he gets the idea that he eats his food only, and that only if we give or offer him any new food can he eat that food.
I also notice that he tastes new food with some trepidation and hesitance. A disgusted look, yes, he seems to wear that too, which is rather funny. I do hope it doesn’t lead to fussiness later on inshaallah.
I came across a pizza crust recipe that Baby Z might be able to eat, but I have yet to make it. This coming week inshaallah. I’ve been toying with the idea of giving him goat milk, but I think I’d better wait until he sees an allergist just to be safe.
Chores, Chores, Chores
July 2, 2009 at 8:56 pm | In Family, Mothering, New Mexico | 2 Comments
Notes from Ummi to kids will be posted in this here bulletin board.
It’s been 5 months after we moved, and I have taken this long to finally come up with a chore chart for the kids, and myself. I had taken out the magnecti chore chart we used back in Cbus in the early weeks after the move, but I wasn’t able to pinpoint all the chores because we were not fully settled in yet. Then there were activities. Now, alhamdulillah, that we have almost fully settled down, I am finalyl able to come up with our morning and evening routines as well as the weekly and monthly chores that need to be done. I reconstituted my routines back when I was using Flylady. I love the concept of evening and morning routines, because it makes things much much smooher for the rest of the day and the day after.
I had used it before I was pregnant with J, but things fell apart during the pregnancy, and after the stillbirth, I never really picked it up, even after we had Baby Z. Now is the time to pick it up and I had a meeting with the kids regarding chore division.
Morning and Evening Routines nicely written and framed, and hung outside their bedrooms.
Prior to that, I had listed all the chore, weekly, monthly and daily. So it made it easier to discuss with them since I know what needs to be done around the house. After the meeting, we came up with a framed evening and morning routines, which S and N worked on. H used excel on Google to create a bathroom, bedroom, sunroom chore chart. I used the magnetic chore chart to list the remaining chores. They are to start abiding by these charts next week inshaallah. I hope they do. If not, I’ll probably end up making myself bald.
As for myself, I listed my chores in the weekly planner stuck on the fridge, and my book planner. I am the type of person who needs organization to feel grounded. Maybe the reason I have felt unstable these past few months, is because there were no real organization in the house. With so many new things popping up, I was pulled here and there with no real focused direction. It is time for revamping and probably saying no to a few stuff. It is time to cross off some items off my ‘currently doing’ list. I find that hard to do though, because almost everything I am doing is beneficial. Nevertheless, I can’t perform at all if my plate is always heaping full, so I do need to swipe some things off my plate, that’s for sure.
Whiel we were having the meeting, S asked,
“Are we going to get rewarded for doing the chores?”
I gave her that look. I knew she knew the answer, but she asked anyway.
“What do you think?” I asked back.
“No.”
I continued with the meeting but not before saying,
“The reward is a clean house.”
And a clean house is what we’re aiming for inshaallah. As well as a sane and grounded mother.
Resuming Tennis Sundays
July 2, 2009 at 8:14 pm | In Community, Desert life, Family, New Mexico, Sports | Leave a Comment
Alhamdulilah, after going to countless garage sales, in which we stumbled upon tennis racquets, we are able to resume our Tennis Sundays. I had noticed a lack of tennis courts here in town, and asked around. One Sunday morning, while the kids were still sleeping, we checked out a court nearby, that hubby learned about through a brother. It had a playground nearby and that Sunday, we I guess, officially resumed our Tennis Sundays after the move. I have to say I still miss Whetstone Park though.
One of my Quran students told me of another park, Young Park, that also has tennis courts. For a couple of Sundays now, we have been going to that park, which is definitely bigger and better. While hubby and I played tennis, the kids played at the playground, rollerbladed, and played tennis on the other court. All the times we have had our Tennis Sundays, it has been quite late, because we waited for Baby Z to wake up. By 8 or 9 am, it’s already hot here, though we still played till well past 10 sometimes. 
Since Sunday school has been pushed back to 3 pm now, I have a little more time between tennis and Sunday School, alhamdulillah. Though it is still hectic the past few Sundays because the community had potlucks, so I ended up exhausted one particular Sunday because tennis was followed by being in the kitchen all the way till we had to go to Sunday School. There is definitely no dearths of potlucks in this community, alhamdulillah, but I can honestly do with less of them, just to save myself some energy.
Last Sunday, after tennis, I told hubby,
“Let’s go check out the river. Sy says it’s nice.”
So we drove around looking for the Rio Grande, but ended up on the wrong side of town. I called Sy and asked here where the river was, and before long, we were there. It was huge. Though I have to say I foolishly imagined it to be more clean and pristine. Like those in pictures or paintings. Wishful thinking. The park nearby was nice too, though the river is a little bit out of our way. I noticed a bike trail there too. The kids clumbed a tree for a few minutes, and then we went home.
It was a restful Sunday alhamdulillah. No rushing to get ready for Sunday School or frantic cooking and worrying about potlucks. I wish there are more Sundays like that.
Pizza to Calzones to Roti Canai
June 23, 2009 at 11:17 pm | In Family, Kids, Kitchen, New Mexico, Ramadan | 3 CommentsWell, so much for kids making pizza. I decided to start preparing for Ramadan. I don’t know it didn’t occur to me before, when I have been struggling with the problem of cooking every week, due to my classes. Since the Taleem classes run through dinner time, it has been quite difficult for me, as dinner is quite hectic time. On top of that, Tuesdays, we go to El Paso before Maghrib, so hubby likes me to get the kids ready, dinner done, dishes done before we go, and even though it sounds very straightforward, it is quite something to do.
So I usually cook on Tuesdays enough to last till Thursday’s dinner. I have to say it makes it a little easier, but there were times when we run out of food and I find myself cooking on one of those class days and then rushing to set myself up for class while making sure everything is cleaned up.
Three trays of Cheesy-Yum
So I decided to make Cheesyum, and freeze it, kind of like a frozen dinner. I have done this before, but what I did was to bake it and then cut it into serving pieces, wrap them individually, and freeze them. This time, I didn’t prebake them, but rather, froze them with the cheese scattered on top. My plan is, when it’s time to eat it, we’d pop it in the oven and voila! It’d be fresh. Inshaallah.
I ended up making three trays of it, and in the end, I had some left over pasta and ground beef. Just a few days ago, the kids and I watched Food Network’s Sandra Lee making calzones from leftover spaghetti meatballs. I thought I’d give it a try with that leftover pasta ground beef, and so I told the kids to make the pizza dough while I hunt around for roti canai recipes. And so they did.
Calzones
I told them to double the recipe, and they did. To be honest, I have never realy read Tammy’s Pizza recipe before. Each time the kids made it, it always turned out great, so I never bothered. This time though, the dough was tough, and I could see yeast granules clearly. Some were even on Baby Z’s head !*chuckle* I figured it must have been because I told them to double it, so I told them to make it again, not doubled. They did. It was the same thing.
S was almost in tears when I did a post mortem on the pizza dough, and was on the verge of telling her to make it one more time. Bad mother. bad mother. I still don;t know why it didn’t turn out okay because the kids followed the recipe to the letter. So I proceeded to make my own pizza dough recipe, one from Joy of Cooking. And so we made calzones, using the pasta ground beef as the filling. I made quite a few, in front of the kids, and two kids who came over for Quran lesson. The calzones don’t look too perfect, but, then again, I have always had problems with making such things as karipap. it was no surprise.
We managed to freeze about 18 calzones last night. This morning, we still had some leftover filling, so I made another batch of pizza dough (Joy’s recipe) and while I had ago at the balls of dough for my roti canai, S made the calzones. H peeled the carrots and potatoes for carrot milk juice and french fries. N watched Baby Z. We had fun. Mostly because my attempt at making roti canai was quite successful alhamdulillah. I managed to make roti telur. The first time it was really thick. The second time, it was too thin strip like, but the third time’s a charm alhamdulillah.
S crimping her calzone
H became the roti canai flipper, as I was still stretching and pulling the thin dough of roti canai on the table (which by the way we had elongated by adding the extra leaf, upon S’s insistence). H multi tasked in the kitchen, flipping the roti canai, making the carrot milk juice under my intermittent orders, and called me each time it was time to put a roti canai in the pan. It was a very productive morning alhamdulillah. I also managed to blend ayam panggang rica rica spice and freeze one jar of it and use the remaining on two small whole chickens for lunch and dinners all through Thursday. While we were doing all this, the chickens were baking in the oven. Alhamdulilah Baby Z fell asleep. By the time he woke up, we were pretty much done.
Next up, inshaalah, frozen pizza. The kids kept laughing at me when I suggested this with enthusiasm. In my mind, I was thinking of cook-free days, but there they were, making fun of my excitement. At any rate, we had run out of cheese, and because our broken van is still in the shop, we’re not going anywhere until hubby comes back and gets it back.
The third attempt at roti telur
S rolling out her calzone dough.
My attempt at stretching the dough..it was very enjoyable
H the photographer..nice snap!
The turban. Ready for flattening...
And this is where I failed...they don't look too uniform, but they'll do, for now.
And in the freezer they go! For ‘lazy/hectic cooking days’, inshaallah.
Let’s Make Pizza vs. Let’s Order Pizza!
June 23, 2009 at 9:45 pm | In Baking, Family, Kids, Kitchen, New Mexico | 3 Comments
I used to. I used to make homemade pizza, but I no longer do, because other people have taken over this task; my three children. They made pizza when we were in Col. I have photos to prove it, but alas, I don’t remember where they are. I don’t even remember if I have made an entry about this, but never mind, I think I’ll write about it again, because this is a new place and a new life.
Last time we went grocery shopping, with just H and Baby Z, H said to me,
“Ooh Ummi, buy cheese, for pizza!”
I was rushing, because the girls were at the masjid, attending an Arabic class, and I only had an hour to run errands (we had run out of diapers), so I told him curtly,
“Remind me when we pass the other side of the aisle.”
I also didn’t bring with me a grocery list, which usually helps in keeping me grounded, so I was rushing to get the items I needed lest I forgot.
Alas! When we got in the van, H said,
“Ummi, we forgot the cheese!”
“Ohh you didn’t remind me. Hmmph! That’s ok. Next time inshaallah.”
Today, hubby and I went grocery shopping and left the kids home.
“Ummi, don’t forget the cheese!”
This time I didn’t forget the cheese.
I haven’t cooked either, so the kids decided they wanted to make the pizza right away, for lunch. And so they did.
The recipe they used for the dough, is the same one they have been using when we were still in Col. It’s Tammy’s Easy Pizza. And it’s really good!
So, I had pizza for lunch today, and so did hubby, who have already left for Washington D.C. for a job training.
Alhamdulillah it’s “Let’s Make Pizza!” instead of “Let’s Order Pizza!”. I just told them they should make another one that we will try freezing for ‘lazy cooking days’. I intend to make spaghetti bake and freeze it too. It seems that we surely can benefit from these saviors of ‘lazy cooking days’ since three of the weekdays are now my class days, days which I have to had pre-cooked food so I won’t have to cook on those days.
We don’t eat out (due to zabih7a issues, and also hubby’s frugality) so that’s almost a no option. This is one reason that would compel me to go back to Malaysia, but not a strong enough reason, as of yet.
Dig in!!
No TV?!
June 19, 2009 at 10:50 pm | In Deen, Family, Mothering, Thoughts | 2 CommentsYes, that’s right. No TV. We don’t have a TV in the house. I knowe we just moved across the state, but as far as I know, and can afford it, we’re remaining without one.
Anyone who has been reading this blog for the past few years probably knows my dilemma and nagging problem with having TV in the house. Ever since we were in Columbus, I have had this intention the moment we move; we will not have any TV in the house.
I weaned the kids, and myself from the TV back in the summer of 2006, after explaining to them the whys, though I think, after listening to their remarks and comments about it, I should remind the reasons every now and again. So, since they were weaned, they haven’t been addicted to it. As for me, I have to say that my hijrah from watching TV to watching no TV has been somewhat like a rollercoaster, and looking back, I think it is because there was a TV sitting in the living room. It also doesn’t help that someone in the house keeps turning it on. It really did a number on me, and subhanallah, that hijrah, personally, hasn’t been easy.
I made my point pretty clear: we’re not going to have any TV in the new home. Alhamdulillah for a pretty flexible husband. I don’t think it was easy for hubby either, and I sensed a rebellious streak in the beginning, but I also sensed somewhat of a blessing from Allah in all of this. Having Baby Z helps too. Helps in convincing hubby that we don’t need a TV in the house.
However, I was also aware that Shaytaan works in mysterious ways, in ways that we can easily overlook. The seven steps through which Shaytaan attacks us is deep rooted in my mind, thanks to Muhammad Alshareef’s When Wolves Become Shepherds. Shaytaan never gives up, ever. I realize this. And once, from the virtual influence of something as sinister, I was temporarily sucked into a different kind of TV; via the internet. I felt so guilty, so sinful, that I made dua for Allah to forgive me, and to make me strong. I fought the desire, and alhamdulillah, I think now, I’m safe. Alhamdulillah. Of course, the battle is just getting more heated. It’s not over. Not until the moment of my death.
Now, I’m not out to say that everyone should unplug their stupid boxes in their homes and dump them in the trash. I’m just talking about my own personal, well, a family affair now, hijrah here. For me, the few second commercials rife of almost naked and alluring women, subliminal messages of rafath, and a lifestyle of evil are the most harmful of all. The TV has its good and bad, but just like alcohol, I think its harm outweighs its good.
When someone in town found out we don’t have TV in the house, they were surprised. Well, I told them we don’t have TV in the house. What they found out was that my son told their son that he’s not allowed to watch TV, play video games, or watch movies. Makes me sound like someone they should be wary of, doesn’t it? I don’t blame them if they think so.
A sister also offered us her TV, as she was moving. When hubby told her I don’t like it, she simply laughed it off. The next time I met her, she asked me again. I politely declined, without offering further explanations. Some things are better just left unexplained, if explaining it would only cause more controversy. I’m learning to withhold myself now, saying some things only when I deem it the right time and place.
Yes, I am aware that living without TV in these days is common now, because we have the internet. That’s what I meant when I talekd about Shaytaan working in mysterious ways. And that, I have no doubt, will be our fitnah. May Allah protect us from it. Ameen.
This is one of those things, just like homeschooling, that sets me further apart from the mainstream Muslims. I have to admit that at times, I begin to doubt myself.
Maybe I’m being too strict. Loosen up!
But then, I look at my children, and I look at how they have grown up to be so far. I can’t ruin that.
Islam began as something strange. It will end as something strange. People may hurl accusations, labels and hurtful words at me for this. People may even make me feel horrible for doing this, saying I’m going overboard, that in this era, we need to be balanced, that we need to ‘fit in’ and ‘integrate’. Believe me, I’m not trying to be rebellious. I’m not trying to set myself apart. If that happens, then it’s a result, but it’s not my intention. My intention is for my personal improvement. Different people have different problems, different strengths and different weaknesses. And we all have our own pace at which we move forward or backward. I only ask that Allah accepts this of me, and that I’m doing something which pleases Him, for it is His pleasure I seek.
I am aware this is not easy to live with. Within the family, we’re fine, alhamdulillah. I don’t hear kids complaining of wanting to watch TV. Over the years, they have learned to occupy themselves with things to do, be it reading, arts and crafts, quarelling, baking cookies, or playing outside. I think they have pretty rich childhoods, thanks to no TV in the house.
I remember when they were smaller, I had taught them to press the mute button whenever songs come up in their cartoons. After a while, I grew lax and didn’t enforce it much, and I clearly remember that feeling of regret creeping all over me. Children, they are born with fitrah. It is us parents who shape them into who they are. When they were muting the songs, they were doing it as something normal. But when I taught them to mute the songs after letting them listen to the songs for a while, I noticed that they were more resistant. And oh, the regret I felt, was unbearable. I felt that I had failed as a Muslim parent. But alhamdulillah, human beings are pretty pliable. We bounce back.
I don’t really dare say much more, because Allah may very well test me through my children (Oh Allah, please do not test me through my children), but so far, I am content with them. Being a parent at any time and age is not easy. It never was easy.
Sometimes parents make decisions based on their upbringing, which can go either of two ways. Sometimes, we have parents who disagree with another parent’s decisions. Every parent wants what is best for her/his children. And every parent has his/her own opinions, reasoning behind his/her decisions. I don’t claim to be so confident with mine, that it is the absolute right thing to do, and the ’should’, but I do ask that Allah blesses all of us parents with guidance, for we need it the most in order to guide our progeny down the line.
It is only with His guidance that people are led aright. One may have grown up in a non practicing environment, but when Allah’s guidance enters his heart, he may be the best of Muslims among those who grew up in a highly practicing environment. One may have grown up in a highly practicing environment, yet, having lost Allah’s guidance, he might be the worst of people in a non practicing environment. Who are we then, to say that our way will definitely produce highly practicing Muslims? It is not in our hands alone.
That is the beauty of it all. It is not in our hands alone. The fact that it is not so is a constant reminder of our vulnerability, of our weakness, and of Allah’s power, might, and sole reign over the universe.
May Allah shower us all with guidance upon guidance and keep on it till the moment we return to Him. Ameen.
Missing the Green and Maybe Something More…
June 19, 2009 at 3:38 am | In Community, Desert life, Family, New Mexico, Thoughts, Touching | Leave a Comment
Take my hand lil bro, and let's run through this life- giving element together!
Ahhh…summer and sprinklers. The two should be synonymous, especially here in the scorching desert. Last weekend, we went to the outlets en route to El Paso to return a Kitchen Aid blender we had bought during the Memorial Day weekend. I was crestfallen upon opening the box with excitement only to discover that the container is plastic, and not glass. It was a refurbished blender, so we got it for a good price, but thinking of PCB and its effects, and in my endeavor to avoid plastic, I decided to return it, despite being quite desprate for a second blender that will be exclusively for smoothies and non onion, spices, chilli ingredients. Alas, the avocados lying in wait to be made into the Indonesian Pokat went to waste.
On the Memorial Day Weekend, I took reprieve from teaching Sunday School, and excused myself to go and finally do some shopping for the house. Ever since we moved here, we have never had a proper opportunity to shop during the weekends, because I immediately started teaching Sunday school on the second or third week after the move. Life from thereon was very hectic, as I was also teaching on the side. Alhamdulillah though, for the opportunities to bank some deeds for my akhirah.
The sky that hot day...a calming blue.
Hubby, Baby Z and I drove to the outlet, leaving the 3 kids at Sunday school and with the help of a sister who picked them up and dropped them off. It was my first time at the outlet, after seeing it only from a distance from the highway each time we drive to El Paso. It was hot, crowded, and did I mention…hot? It was hot!
No green, except for very few. I didn’t know what it was, but I was suddenly transported back to the East Coast, the Midwest, and 2004. The outlet we had gone to in Pennsylvania, nestled amidts the rolling hills and generous green valleys suddenly flooded my mind. And as I strolled along the rows of stores at the outlet in El Paso, I couldn’t help but notice how barren it was. I remembered the outlet en route to Michigan, one summer in 2004, which we had visited when I was pregnant with J. The baby clothes we had bought there, we hung in my closet. The day that we visited that outlet, there weren’t many people. It felt almost …deserted. And that feeling accompanied what was to follow. On the day that we came home after being told that there was no heartbeat, I remember rummaging through my closet looking for those baby clothes. They were gone. Hubby had taken them and hid them, for fear of me finding them and getting more grieved.
And all of a sudden, it all came back to me. Tears spilled out, as if it had just happened yesterday. I couldn’t believe I could still produce those tears for J. But I did. Now, I am reminded of a friend’s statement regarding me leaving behind J in Columbus. When she said it, I never thought it a big deal, but maybe, maybe it’s in my subconscious. Maybe, it’s making its presence dominant amidst all my missing good ole Columbus. My friends, our life there, our memories, all triggered by a visit to the outlet in the desert. It sounds absurd, yet it made perfect sense.
Ever since we moved here, my life has been put somewhat on a fast forward, which is both a boon and a curse. A boon because it distracts me from moping, and a curse because it didn’t give me a chance to gradually ease into the moving process. However, the moping process soon caught up nonetheless. I used to welcome the community potlucks, but after a while, I began to dread them, because preparing something for it, while having to teach at Sunday school was no easy feat. I need a break so I can cook for and with pleasure again. There were so many things swimming around in my head and heart, that I think they manifested themselves profoundly in my Facebook statuses. One common factor: I miss Columbus. That’s not to say I abhor LC, but it is just in my nature to have some problems adjusting to a new place everytime we moved. Melancholy may very well be my submerged middle name.
the position he took and maintained
Back to the outlet. Well, we went there a second time with all the kids this time. It was still hot. The first time we went, we had placed Baby Z right in the midst of the the interactive fountains, and he had stood as still as he could, apparently not taking pleasure in the experience. I had said to hubby,
“Maybe if the kids are here, he’d enjoy it.”
I remember one visit we had to OSU hospital, after which we stopped by the fountain, and the kids all had played in it, yes, Baby Z included. He even protested when it was time to go home. And now, we put him right in the middle of the fountain in the heat, and he stood as passively as he could.
So the second time we went, I thought Baby Z woud act differently. Well, he didn’t. He did the same thing, that frame after frames of the photos I took looked like the same snapshots. H got drenched though, and after some hesitation, N plunged in too. S, remained on the sidelines.
All in all, it was an enjoyable experience with all the kids. Alhamdulillah. Though I still miss the midwest and the east coast, and the fact that hubby is flying to Washington D.C. this weekend for a whole week, without us, just makes it even more unbearable. Oh well…the water has receded, the fountains have stopped. It’s about time I stop moping as well.
The end
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